


Agents with Kids

by anakins_bugs



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 41,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakins_bugs/pseuds/anakins_bugs
Summary: Reid x reader based on the movie "friends with kids". you're both agents in the BAU and after watching your coworkers struggle to balance marriage, kids, and the job, the two of you agree to have a baby as friends. Will you manage to marry other people like you planned, or are you two just taking the long route to loving each other? (ALSO ON MY WATTPAD)
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 183
Kudos: 251





	1. Chapter 1

It's a bright monday morning when Hotch comes in looking like death and storms into his office. You raise your eyebrows at Reid, where he sits diagonally from you. As good as he is with profiling, normal interactions often slip his mind. He mouths "what?" at you, but you give up, shaking your head. No doubt he was too wrapped up in the case file he was reading to notice their boss' mood. Prentiss, however, flashes you a look from across her desk. At least you aren't alone in noticing it.

The day starts slow, and you have little to do other than organize some old case reports. You were hired on as an expert in child and teen psychology, although this job had a way of pushing everybody out of their comfort zones. You'd worked there for nearly a year and while you anticipated more time at your desk writing psychological analysis reports, you had adapted to the fast pace of field work.

You don't even make it to lunch before JJ is walking through the bullpen, calling for a briefing. Gideon's resignation had shook up the team, but ultimately everybody was coping well. His replacement, Rossi, was a bit of a wildcard. He hadn't been in the field for a number of years, and though JJ and Hotch seemed familiar with him, you'd only heard his name in passing. You weren't initially trained for the BAU, but they'd asked for your help in a case with a juvenile unsub while you worked with the crimes against children division of the bureau. A month after that case, you'd gotten a call asking you to join the team full time. The team always respected your background and welcomed you into the team, but as you watched how much respect they had for Rossi, you wondered if maybe you should have sat in on some of the criminal behavioral classes after all.

You'd never admit it, but in your mind, Hotch was the leader of the BAU now. You tried not to look to him in the briefing room, but ultimately you trusted him more than the man you'd just met.

The team shuffles into the conference room while JJ tacks up pictures and starts up a projector. Hotch looks as sour as he did that morning. The case is in Miami, Florida, and the police department believes there's a spree killer targeting tourists. You collect your go-bag, and settle onto the jet.

The conversation doesn't flow quite as easily as it used to, but the team still gets a preliminary profile planned out. The case only involves adult victims, so you hold back in conversation. You've picked up a lot over the past year, but profiling based off of a briefing is still daunting to you. Hotch, Reid, and Rossi hash out typical profiles the unsub might fit, Prentiss and Morgan are chatting, and you find your way back to JJ. You spend the flight working on victimology, and the latest stands out to you. 

"Jayge, this guy was a cop in New Orleans. Do you think he worked that sexual assault case with us?" You try not to get personal at work, but the thought of knowing somebody who would become a serial killer victim is unsettling. JJ is usually collected and easy going, but she's stiff when you speak.

"It's been months since that case. Why would we know anyone from that department?" she snaps.

You let it slide, but you can't help but wonder if there's a full moon or some other kind of cosmic disturbance putting everybody on edge today.

The reason behind JJ's mood clicks when a certain officer from Louisiana shows up to work the case, and Prentiss notices him making eyes at the blonde. You've all promised not to profile each other, but technically, Will never agreed to that. Besides, the adoration is written all over his face. That man is stone cold in love with JJ. Prentiss mentions it to you while the two of you are in the car on the way to interview a coroner. You both enjoy the opportunity to gossip about something so normal before you get back into work mode. Reid realizes the unsub must already have another victim picked on on their second day there, and the case flies by as you all race to find the victim in time.

With Garcia's beautiful brain and the team's hard work, you all manage to find the unsub in time. Since the case was spent surrounded by Will grieving for his friend and the unsub was so out of touch with reality, it doesn't feel like the victory it is. You all agree to fly back in the early hours of the morning when the unsub is in custody.

You sleep on the plane and stumble into the office with the rest of the team. Even Garcia was still at the office. As much as everybody wanted to go home, the BAU had a post-case procedure that you all had to follow. Everybody retreated to their respective desks to fill out their questionnaires ("Did you sustain any injuries? Approximately how many hours did you spend in the field?" and on and on). Everybody gathered in the conference room at the start of the work day to outline the report of the case. Prentiss was in the middle of making her case that the unsub wasn't motivated by sex, but by identity, when a knock came to the conference room.

"I'm looking for a Mr. Hotchner?" the man behind the door said as Morgan let him in.

Hotch nodded to the man and stuck a hand out, accepting the file the man held.

It was rare for one of their meetings to be interrupted, so nobody quite knew how to bridge the silence. Hotch didn't need to open the folder to know what it was.

"Hailey's filed for divorce." His expression is almost neutral, but his eyes are clearly sad. Your first reaction is to say "I'm sorry", but you bite your tongue. You remember Hotch's near resignation before he came onto a case at the last second. If you said anything to him, he'd only tell you that he made his choice and Hailey made hers.

Hotch fills the silence again "Morgan, think you can handle this write up? I'm sure Prentiss can help you out as well."

"You got it." Morgan assures him, and you're all dismissed for the time being.

You snag your go-bag off your desk and head out into the elevator with Reid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “No motive is pure. No one is good or bad-but a hearty mix of both. And sometimes life actually gives to you by taking away.” Carrie Fisher


	2. Chapter 2

You know Reid likes using public transportation, but today is the sort of day when everybody wants to be home as soon as possible. You offer him a ride as soon as you see him and he gives you a small smile and agrees.

One of the more bizarre coincidences of your life was that you and Reid lived in the same building. You'd lived there for four years after finding it during your previous job and he'd just so happened to live on the floor above you. You'd never run into each other, but the first time you had an emotionally draining case like this, you'd made the same offer and the two of you had a nice laugh over it.

Not that you ever planned on telling him, but he did have a nice laugh. Of all the team members, you always gravitated towards him. Something about him just made you feel instantly better-smarter, safer, happier. If you didn't work with him, you would probably just think of him as a cute guy that lived in your building. Watching him put himself in harm's way to protect people added another layer to the way you thought of him. Knowing how deep his caring nature for other people went drove you wild. You two were both approaching 30, and fast. In the year you'd known him, it seemed like he was aging like the finest wine.

You liked having him around. His presence was always the perfect pick-me-up. Even though you were both dead tired, as you got off at your floor, you stuck a hand over the elevator door.

"Listen, I'm going to put my stuff down and go shower before I made breakfast-why don't you come down in a half hour and eat with me?" You had no desire to make anything other than coffee right now, but the only thing better than sleeping right now would be time with him.

"Sure." He smiled brightly and you let the doors close over him.

You kicked your go-bag under your bed, dreading the trip to the laundry in the basement you'd have to make later. Thirty minutes was a stupid time frame to give him-you wouldn't have time to dry your hair or do anything special for breakfast. You didn't waste anytime stripping and getting into the shower. You thought about at least putting on a decent outfit, but knowing that you were going to bed the moment he left, you gave in and threw on an old shirt and pajama pants.

You had just started on making pancakes when he knocked on the door. You yelled that the door was open and he made his way in. He took a seat at your countertop and gave you that bright smile again.

"You really shouldn't leave your door unlocked like that, statistically-"

You cut him off gently "We work the same cases, Reid, I know the odds. Besides, I knew you were coming down. If somebody wanted to murder me, I'm sure you'd be down here to stop them." you remarked with a snort.

His face lost some of its levity. "y/n, I wouldn't give anybody the chance to hurt you."

How were you supposed to respond when your coworker says something like that? When your coworker that you may have had a crush on for the past year says something like that?

"Do you like chocolate chips in your pancakes?" you tried.

The two of you eat on your couch facing each other. He lets you tuck your cold feet under his thigh where he has his legs tucked to the side of him while he leans back on your arm rest.

This was just what you needed. You trade funny stories about work and your lives before the BAU and he makes you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts.

He takes your plate and moves to load them into your dishwasher. You take advantage of the silence to bring up what's been at the back of your mind all morning.

"Did you know about Hailey and Hotch?" you try to bring it up casually.

It's clear in his face how sad the situation makes him.

"I didn't. Poor Jack."

You nod in agreement. "I know. The whole situation is just so sad. They were high school sweethearts."

He sits down on the couch again with you. "Rossi's gotten divorced three times." he remarks.

"Is that what this job does? It just destroys any relationship you have?" There's no heat in your voice as you say it, just a hint of fear.

He gives you a sympathetic smile. "Alright, now you're getting sad. That's how I know you're tired." he stands and offers you his hand.

"I don't get sad when I'm tired!" you protest and take his hand. You expect him to let go after helping you up, but he holds on and walks you to your bedroom.

"Sure you don't. Get some sleep, alright?" He pauses in the doorway to look at you as you pull back the duvet and climb into bed.

"Lock up on your way out. Spare-"

He cuts you off. "Spare key is in the cabinet over the sink."

"Your memory wears me out." you huff. "I'll get you a key next time I'm out. Promise."

He smiles at you one final time and leaves. 


	3. Chapter 3

Will makes another surprise appearance when the team is in New York on a terrorist case. It's the first case you've worked with such a large potential for death. Every night, you go to bed almost as soon as you get to the hotel. One night, you're listening to Hotch discuss the game plan for the next day as you enter the lobby and the detective greets the group. Hotch shakes his hand and starts to ask him about his involvement in the case when Will turns to JJ. It isn't a pretty scene when he asks JJ what she's doing here. The shift in every member of the team's demeanor is obvious. Morgan and Prentiss both look like they're going to drag Will out of the lobby and into the street, Reid's face stays neutral but he straightens up, and Hotch moves to physically put himself in front of JJ.

"Is there something you know about my agent that I don't?" Hotch's tone is cool and sharp.

JJ looks a little panicked when the team goes on defense. She blurts out "I'm pregnant.".

Everybody is stunned for a moment, before Emily and Reid are moving in to hug JJ. You smile and tell her congratulations over Reid's shoulder. Hotch dismisses you all and he and JJ stick around to talk about her field work.

You all gush in the elevator about how exciting the pregnancy is. Though all of your rooms are separate on this trip, you follow Reid into his. The moment the door closes behind you, you whisper shout at him.

"Did you know she was seeing Will?"

Reid doesn't have quite the same level of alarm that you do. He must have missed out on the high school tradition of gossip. He shakes his head at you as he loosens his tie.

"Didn't know she was pregnant, either." He shrugs and loses his shoes.

"That's so crazy to think about" you muse, flopping back on his bed.

"Is it? She's an adult."

"Yeah, but she's our JJ. And she's going to have a baby. She's going to be somebody's mother!"

Reid sits on the other side of the bed and listens to you.

"I can't imagine being pregnant and doing this job. I mean, she's the liaison, so she's not in the field quite as much, but still. This is hardly the kind of job that's family friendly."

"This is a team." Reid interjects. "If you wanted to have a baby, we'd all find a way to keep you safe and working."

You roll over to look at him.

"Your mother deserves an award for raising you so well." He laughs and promises he'll tell her you said that.

You head back to your own room for the night.

The case is solved, but not without plenty of bloodshed. Everybody is glad to be back in the office when it's over.

Despite your doubt, JJ makes pregnancy at the BAU look easy. The whole team visits her in the hospital and the image of Reid holding Henry is burned into your brain. So is the image of his excitement when JJ asked him to be the godfather. Along with a thousand other moments of Reid that make your heart beat faster.

You lie in bed that night trying not to think about Henry and his adorable face. Newborns may look odd, but something about the way they look like gnomes or E.T. or any number of silly things is endearing to you. Speaking of endearing-everything about Reid was warming your heart. JJ was right to trust him as the godfather if anything happened to her and Will.

Damn your stupid hormones. The baby must have set something off in you. A biologic baby fever. You kept thinking about what a good father Reid would be. He was so smart, and hot, and strong, and he could keep your little family safe. Some primal instinct screamed that he would kill anything that tried to hurt your child and then he could do something helpful, like teach your kid the basics of quantum chemistry for toddlers.

This was the height of stupidity. You, alone, thinking about your coworker as a father.

You took a melatonin that night.


	4. Chapter 4

Two months later, JJ is back early from leave. Emily's first question is if JJ can drink. The blonde laughs and says she can as long as she has time to plan around Henry's feeding schedule so she can just throw out the milk that might have alcohol in it. Emily announces a night out to the team for that Friday, and Rossi, mercifully, says it'll be on his tab.

You all plant to meet at a bar around 8:30, leaving you with plenty of time to get ready before. You shoot Reid a text while you're making yourself dinner, asking if he went out much in college. He responds that he's never gone out much-ever. It doesn't take much convincing to get him to come down and hang out with you.

"Getting ready with people is like half the fun of going out!" you tell him as you plate some of the pasta you made. He's good company, even if he doesn't believe in your getting ready theory. You leave music playing in your bedroom while you get ready in the ensuite. You leave the door open while you do your hair and makeup and chat with Reid, who's taken up camp on your bed. During a lull in the conversation, you poke your head out into the bedroom.

"You up for tequila shots?" You grin at him.

You have to teach him the salt and lime bit, but he does a far better job of taking tequila shots than you did your first time. Two shots later, and you're both laughing in the backseat of a taxi. The bar has a relaxed atmosphere, but you still drink more than you normally would. Everybody's in a good mood celebrating JJ. In a job with so many tough days, a celebration is precious. A couple hours with the team and the two of you hail a cab on the street. It's a cold January evening, and you're glad to have Reid to hold onto as you shuffle across the slushy pavement.

Back at your building, you practically drag him off the elevator insisting he come into your apartment. A bottle of wine is opened, and before you know it, You both end up on the kitchen floor chugging water. Occasionally, you hand your glass to Reid, who is leaning against the fridge, so he can fill it some more.

When you're considering sleeping on the floor, he cups his hands around your face.

"y/n. We gotta get off this floor. We gotta-" he looks dazed for a moment. "We gotta get to bed."

His urgency is infectious. You nod and try not to puke when he pulls you to your feet. Making it to the bedroom is a great accomplishment. He flashes you a proud smile and you giggle.

Onto the next bit. Pajamas seem too far away. The answer is clear to you. You wiggle out of your jeans and unclip your bra from under your top. Reid loses his shirt and pants. You both crawl into your bed. The room is spinning around you and you lay in silence for a while before a thought strikes you.

"Reid." you roll over and whisper. He doesn't respond, so you pull yourself up and straddle his chest.

"Everything is-" he mutters, opening his eyes "-moving".

"I know." you murmur.

The thought strikes you again.

"Reid, d'you think-ok, so, children?"

"What?" he says.

"D'you wan' em'" you slur out. 

"Yeah, yeah. More than anything." He props himself up on his forearms, bringing his face closer to yours. It's dark, but you can make out his features when he's this close.

"Me too! But-look at Hotch! An' Will wanted Jayge to quit-" you struggle for the words. "You can have love, or the job, or kids. Pick two, but you can't have em' all."

He closes his eyes again, but you're not giving up on your idea.

"What if you already had kids?" you propose.

"What?" He says, eyes opening again.

"Ok, like, you're my best friend. And if we had a baby together- but we date other people. We already have the kid. A baby can't ruin marriage if you already have it."

"What about the BAU?"

"We keep our jobs. Look- this way we can have all three." You've leaned in so far that your faces are practically touching.

"It's a good idea, but righ' now, I really just want to sleep" He tells you.


	5. Chapter 5

The next thing you remember is feeling a puff of air near your ear. You try to sit up, but there's something pinning you to where you are.

You take a deep breath and open your eyes. You're greeted with the sight of your sheets and a shoulder. 

Oh. 

You'd fallen asleep on top of Reid. He had wrapped both of his arms around you as you were pressed chest to chest. Judging by the light of the room, it was either a rainy day or early in the morning still. Whenever you drank, your sleep cycle always suffered and you woke up extra early. You doubted Reid would be getting up on his own anytime soon. You decided to lie there and enjoy the feeling of being held for a while. There was no way you could get out of his arms while you were held without waking him up, and you didn't want to interrupt his sleep. 

At some point you drifted off again, the rise and fall of his chest against yours making you feel more relaxed than you'd been in a long time. 

The next time you wake up, Reid has one arm propping himself up and the other shaking your shoulder. 

"Morning." He smiles. 

You flash him an unamused look. You weren't horribly hungover, but you certainly weren't feeling like a morning person. 

When you stayed put, he put his hand on your hip and started to get up, moving you off of him and lowering you to the bed. That part was worth waking up for. He had such a slight frame, but you could feel some of his strength in the way he supported your weight. You felt him leave the bed and he pulled the duvet back over you. You could have sworn you felt him run a hand over your hair. 

You wake up for good when you hear clanging sounds from your kitchen. You don't bother getting dressed and shuffle out to see Reid, in his boxers, making scrambled eggs. 

You slump down at the breakfast bar and he is nice enough to pour you some orange juice. 

"How're you feeling?" you ask. 

"Feeling like I should have drank more water last night." 

"It's my fault for letting us mix liquor and wine." One horrible night in college and you thought you'd learned that lesson forever. 

He laughs and tells you he didn't mind the minor hangover. 

"That's the most fun I've had on a night out." He tells you while you eat. 

Sure, you'd been with the team for part of the night, but it had started and ended with you. And now he's telling you it was the best night out he'd had. You wish you had a cooler response than what you did. 

"We should do it again sometime." You smiled, affectionately bumping your foot against his under the counter. 

You clean up the kitchen together and he asks about your plans for the weekend. You've already decided to deep clean your apartment and run errands. Ah the joys of being an adult. He tells you he doesn't have anything that can't be moved, and proposes the two of you watch a movie that evening and you agree. 

You shoot JJ a text, asking how she was feeling after going out for the first time in so long. She texts you back as you're heading down to your car, telling you she woke up this morning to the sound of Will puking. Unfortunately, he wasn't hungover. He'd picked up some kind of stomach bug, so she'd spent her day so far nursing her hangover, her husband, and her baby. 

You knew JJ had family nearby, but she was never one to ask for help. You hit the call button on your cell. 

"Hello?" You can hear how tired she sounds. 

"Hey, Jayge. Sorry you guys aren't feeling well. Listen- I know for a fact Reid has a wide open schedule today. Why don't I pick up Henry and Reid and I will watch him overnight?" You could have left Reid out of the whole discussion, but you thought JJ would be more likely to agree if she knew Henry's godfather was involved. This would be her first night away from the baby, after all. Besides, when you cancelled on Reid, you knew he'd just insist on seeing Henry anyway. 

She protests weakly that she doesn't want you to lose out on your weekend, but when you promise there's nothing you'd rather do, she gives in. You run to the grocery store before you drive to JJ's house. She helps fit the car seat into your backseat, along with the pack-and-play and the overnight bag she packed for the baby. You'd babysat plenty of times in your life, but you still listen attentively to her instructions, mostly just to make her feel better. If you'd planned better, you would have brought Reid so that he could have assured JJ that he had all her detailed instructions memorized. 

She brings out the two month old and you are shocked by how tiny he still is. He's old enough to start looking more like a human and less like a blob of human flesh. He can even open his eyes now and try to track things. You chat for a bit about his development and she gushes about his first smile earlier that week. A hug goodbye and you're in the car with little Henry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Feel free to leave comments. More of this story is up on my wattpad, but this is still a wip and I'd love your feedback :)  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

It occurs to you that you're responsible for the little life in the backseat. The last time you'd been that nervous on a highway, you'd been in high school. With gritted teeth, you make it back to your building. You sit in the parking lot for a moment, trying to decide how to get all the baby items upstairs before you give in and dial his number. 

"Hey, Reid-still not busy?" 

"Nope. What's up?" 

The moment you tell him you have Henry, he tells you he'll be down as soon as he can. 

You get Henry's carrier out and wait outside of the car with him. The sight of Reid running across the blacktop to you two makes you giggle. He doesn't bother with the carrier, pulling Henry out of it. 

And Henry gave him the biggest smile you'd ever seen from a baby. 

"Look at that! Are you so excited to see your godfather?" 

You can't believe it. This baby just developed the ability to smile and he's saving it for Reid? 

"Reid, he's two months old. There's no possible way he recognizes you." you huff at him. He may not have studied childhood development formally, but there's no way he doesn't have common baby milestones memorized. 

"Of course he can. He's a fellow genius, I can just tell." You laugh at that, and the two of you haul the stuff from your trunk to the elevator. Henry is happy to be in Reid's arms, meaning you got saddled with the bulk of the stuff. Reid tries to argue that you all should spend the night at his apartment, but you correctly guess that your apartment is closer to being baby proof than his is. 

You repeat the instructions you were given as best as you could to him while you set up your living room to be baby-central for the day. You make a dreaded second trip to your car to grab the handful of groceries you'd gotten earlier that afternoon. 

You return to an adorable sight. 

On your living room rug, Henry and Reid are both lying on their stomachs, facing each other. 

Reid has baby toys in both hands and he dangles them near his face while he enthusiastically talks to Henry. Henry is making a very clear effort to be engaged, lifting his head and even trying to reach for the toys. 

You giggle at the sight and Reid continues to smile at Henry while he rattles off to you. 

"Y/n, tummy time is a critical part of physiological development. It promotes-" 

You cut him off gently. 

"I know it is. It's just cute to see you two together." 

He doesn't have a statistic to follow that up with. 

You join Reid on the floor, laying down next to him, pushed up against his side so that Henry can look at both of your faces easily. Reid passes you one of the toys to get the little boys attention with. You hold it with the arm nearest Reid and he puts his hand on your upper back, allowing you to tuck in closer to Reid and Henry. 

The baby's tolerance for tummy time doesn't last very long. When Henry starts fussing, Reid pulls himself to a sitting position and shifts Henry onto his lap. He holds the baby in his arms and sits close to you when you sit up, making sure that Henry can see your face. 

You spend the afternoon passing him between the two of you and taking turns helping with diapers and bottles. As the winter sun starts to go down, you reheat the leftovers from your fridge. The only thing you wish you had was somewhere to put the baby down for a minute. You didn't want to leave him in his pack-and-play during dinner, but the only other option was just to hold him. You've already given up and warmed a bottle for Henry and it'll take both hands to hold and feed him. You tell Reid to eat first and then you can trade off, but he insists you bring Henry and sit at the table with him. He brings both plates over to the table and pulls his chair close to yours. 

You laugh awkwardly as you realize what he's doing. He's already got a forkful from your plate. Once, way back in college, you'd been on a date with a guy who thought it would be sexy to feed you. It still tops the list of the most uncomfortable dates you've had. (To be fair to the guy, you didn't go out on dates very often.) 

"Hey, it wouldn't be fair if Henry and I got to have dinner without you." He justifies. 

You give in. He alternates between the two of you and, thankfully, it's nothing like your college encounter. In fact, it's nice. You can't help but notice you're sharing a fork. The image of Reid insisting kissing is safer than shaking hands pops into your mind and you try to shove it to the back of your mind. 

A little more play time after dinner, and Reid starts to get Henry ready for bed. You try to do the dishes as quietly as you can while you watch him bounce Henry. His arms wrapped around the baby and the hint of his veins beneath the skin make you hold your breath for a moment. It doesn't seem fair for the universe to bless him with his mind and his good looks, but somehow he got both. 

"You can take the bedroom." You tell him quietly. "I want to sleep on the couch, just in case." Your queen bed and furniture arrangement doesn't really allow room for a crib in the bedroom, so the pack-and-play stands in the middle of your living room still. 

He refuses your bed, insisting he'll stay with you and the baby. You drift off first, before you'd planned to. In a move that is both stupid and sweet, he pulls some pillows from your bed and makes himself a spot on the floor between the couch and the crib. Reid tucks a pillow underneath your head, smoothing your hair off your face before he locks up the apartment and settles on the floor. 


	7. Chapter 7

Henry, in true infant form, wakes you up multiple times in the night. Neither of you are used to sleeping through crying baby noises, so each time you both get up. Reid's already made coffee and changed Henry's clothes by the time you're fully awake. You both pack up the living room and make your way to the car. Reid sits in the middle of your backseat, next to Henry so that he can talk to the little boy during the ride to JJ's. 

JJ looks slightly less flustered than she did the day before and thanks you both. If Will hadn't been sick, you probably would have stuck around for a bit, but you and Reid assured her that the two of you were happy to help. 

Reid doesn't step off at your floor this time, having already moved his overnight bag to his apartment. He does, however, stick a hand over the door to tell you to have a good day. You turn around as the doors begin to close, calling after him that you'll see him tomorrow. 

As much as you don't want to sound like a workaholic, you have to admit you miss the BAU when you're away. With the odd hours of the job, it's rare that you get a full two days off on Saturday and Sunday. You'd spent a fair share of your Saturday mornings or Sunday evenings in the office prepping for cases or wrapping them up. 

The lull is short lived. JJ is in full work mode again when she rushes into the bullpen, and you mentally prepare for a case. 

This time around takes nearly a full week. You spend most of the case with Morgan, and while he's the one to officially take down the unsub, the unsub gets in a couple good slashes at you with the knife he'd had on him. 

A handful of stitches later, and you're cleared to fly. You're all dismissed after the office debriefing. Garcia catches you on your way out. 

"Hey baby." She smiles brightly at you before she notices your keys. "Didn't you just get sliced open, like, twelve hours ago?" 

"The stitches are on my shoulder, Garcia. It's not like they'll rip when I'm driving." you tried. 

"They could!" she insists, blocking your path and pointing back towards the office. Giving up, you walk back into the BAU as she follows. Hotch's door is open and you can see Reid in the chair across from him. Garcia breezes past you and into Hotch's doorway. A minute later she emerges with Reid behind her. 

Hotch stands in the doorway until he catches your eye. He waits until the keys are in Reid's hands to nod and return to his office. 

Garcia kisses your cheek and tells you to feel better. You fake a sour look at her and she only grins wider. 

Reid is far too excited about driving you home. He smiles like a teenager who just got their license when he starts the car. You roll your eyes at him, but he protests that nobody on the team ever lets him drive. There's always been a consensus that Reid is never the one with the keys, but you didn't know why. You assumed it was because he joined the team so young and everybody has a hard time handing the keys to the baby brother. It certainly isn't because of his driving. Despite the midday D.C. traffic, it's a painless trip. 

He steps off at your floor and follows you to the door. 

"You can come in if you want, but I'm going straight to bed." you warn him. 

He gives you a small smile. "I'm under strict orders from Hotch to make sure you're taking it easy." 

In the end, it was nice of Hotch to send him home with you. You went to shower and quickly realized how hard it was going to be to get out of your work clothes. You pushed the ensuite door open and swallowed your pride as you called for Reid. 

"Are you in pain?" He says, rushing in. 

"No, I just-I can't get undressed without bothering my stitches." 

His expression is soft and earnest as he asks what he can do to help you. 

Getting your shirt off was a fairly smooth process. He was far more gentle than necessary as he slipped it off. Getting out of your pants was the part that made you want to cringe. You could unbutton them yourself, but having to put an arm on your coworkers shoulder to steady yourself while you shimmed out of your slacks was a low point. You had been looking pointedly at the floor, but you could feel his shoulders shifting. Before you repeated the process with your underwear, you felt something soft on your shoulders. Reid had grabbed your robe from the hook on the door. With the added privacy, you made it out of your underwear. The only thing left was your bra, and you couldn't quite reach it with your good arm. You looked to Reid, who had been staring at the floor away from you. 

"Would you mind? I can't get the clasp." He turned his head to look at your face and nodded 

Your hands were still at your sides, stuck under the cloth. He stood partially behind you, partially to the side of you and reached one hand in front of you. He pinched the sides of the robe together. With his other hand, he ran it under the (thankfully short)robe and unhooked the clasp. 

"Is that good? Or do you need-" 

"No!" you cut him off a little faster than you really needed to. "I got it from here, I think. Thanks." 

He walked out to your bedroom, but before you shut the door he spoke again. 

"Do you need me to get clean clothes?" 

You didn't chance turning around. You were lucky you didn't flash him earlier and you don't want to push that luck. 

"No, I got it. I'll yell if I need help." 

"Sounds good." he tells you. 

Afterwards, you step out into your bedroom to see he's been sitting on your bed. 

"Hey?" you greet him. 

"Hey," He says, a blush just beginning on his face. "I just wanted to make sure I was close enough to hear you if you needed anything." He slips out to let you get dressed. 

You shrug into an old, worn button-up and a pair of pajama shorts without too much trouble and you make your way out to the living room where Reid has been laying on your couch. 


	8. Chapter 8

"Jeopardy? Really?" you snort at his choice. 

"Great show." He grins. 

"Don't you know all the answers already?" 

"Not all of them." 

You stand behind the couch watching for a moment. 

"I'm going to bed. When I wake up, I want to hear all the things that Trebek knows and you don't." 

"Hey, Trebek and I are equals!" He calls after you. 

It takes some shifting of your pillows to find a comfortable position that supports your shoulder. You drift off to the faint sound of the T.V. 

It's dark outside by the time Reid wakes you up. He announces that there's chinese take out in the kitchen and gives you a hand to pull you out of bed. 

You're busy shoving lo mein in your mouth when he brings it up. 

"I've been thinking about what you said." 

You raise your eyebrows, unsure what exactly it is he's talking about. 

"Us having kids." He clarifies. 

You nearly choke on your noodles. 

"Reid, I was so drunk-" the memory of that night makes you blush. 

"I think it's a good idea." he says when you trail off. 

"You're joking." you say in shock. Dr. Spencer Reid wants to have a baby? With you? 

"I'm not." 

"It would never work." 

"Why not?" You can tell he's humoring you. He hasn't gotten defensive yet, and you know there's no way he'd bring this up if his genius brain hadn't already worked out the details. But you couldn't just say yes. This isn't the sort of decision you just make in a matter of seconds. 

"Reid, the only reason you're here to have this conversation is because I got attacked by an unsub 24 hours ago!" 

"You wouldn't have been in that situation if you were pregnant. The team got JJ through it, we'd get you through it too." 

"What about the 18 years after that?" 

He stared at you for a moment. 

You started up again. "If we're both in the field, who's going to take care of the baby?" 

"We alternate field work and helping Garcia." he rattled his solution off like it would be so easy. 

"No way. Hotch would fire me if I even considered asking to reduce half my caseload." 

"It wouldn't be half, we'd work every case and switch who goes. You didn't replace anyone- we worked with one less agent for years and everything was fine." 

"Reid, you're way too valuable to the BAU to leave behind on cases. If anybody on the team had the choice between me and you, they'd pick you every time. And you know it." 

"You've contributed tons to the team. They respect you just as much as they do me." 

"This isn't..." you struggled for the right words "...some kind of self confidence issue. I know I can do this job and do it well. But your mind is the best asset the BAU has." 

He didn't respond at first. You both sat in silence, staring at the food that had been untouched since Reid brought this whole thing up. You felt like crying and you couldn't think of a good reason why. 

When he did respond, it was in that lilting tone that could have passed for a joke but was always earnest when it came from Reid. 

"I think Garcia is the best asset we have." 

You're stressed. You're in a little bit of shock. But damn if it didn't melt your heart a little to hear him praise Garcia. In your line of work, you met plenty of smart criminals. Thinking about the jerks you knew in college who still pulled good grades, a little part of you wondered if the smarter a person is, the more cruel they can be. 

Reid was the best counter example you could think of. He was the smartest as well as the kindest man you knew. He spent his whole day off watching over you just because of a couple of stitches. Plenty of guys you know would have chanced a look at your body earlier, but he didn't. A few months after you joined the team, he admitted that the first thing he did after he met you was track down your master's thesis, which he then proceeded to compliment you on. After a long day in the field, you often found yourself in his hotel room, where he'd talk your ear off until you felt better. He was the best person you knew. Your life was better with him in it. 

You wanted to say yes to him. 

He beat you to the punch. "I'm not asking for a decision right now, but I just want you to know I'm in. Take all the time you need to think about it." 

"You really think we could pull this off?" you ask. 

The confidence in his voice is the best reaction you could have asked for. 

"I really do." 

You finish dinner without any more conversation. Reid insists on cleaning up, but not before he walks you back to your bedroom. You get settled into bed, and he brings you water and painkillers. 

"Thanks for doing this, Reid. I've got my phone over here so I'll call if anything comes up." 

"I'm not going up to my apartment, y/n. I'm taking your couch. Any stress you put on the wound will lengthen healing time. On average, every newton of force applied to a wound..." He rattles off his justification and you don't protest. You don't think you really need him here, but you like having him around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! feedback is always welcome  
> “We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.” Kurt Vonnegut


	9. Chapter 9

Hotch makes you take an extra day off when the rest of the team returns to the office. Alone for a day, you wander around your apartment, trying to picture where all the baby items would go. You still can't find a spot for the crib by lunch, so you give up and lay on your couch, alternating reading articles about trying for a baby and scrolling through social media. 

In-vitro costs thousands, and you can't imagine asking Reid for a sperm sample so you can turkey-baste yourself. Would Reid rather pay the five grand than sleep with you? The question nagged at you for the rest of the week, but you couldn't bring yourself to mention it to him. By Friday, your head is filled with thoughts of Reid as a dad. You still feel the urge for a second opinion, if nothing else, then to make sure that you're serious about this. 

You start easy: Garcia. 

She is, of course, thrilled when you slip into her office that afternoon to tell her. 

"My little darlings are all grown up! And they want to have an even littler darling!" 

Next up: Prentiss. 

"You're throwing in the towel? Look, I know dating in D.C. is rough and I'm sure you're sick of lawyers, but you're a catch." 

"I'm not worried about dying alone!" You laugh. "But this is a good time in my career to have a baby. I don't want to lose this job, Emily. This way, I've got the job and the baby and whenever the right person comes along, they'll know what they're getting into." 

She looks skeptical and quizzes you some more about the plan, but ultimately, she tells you she trusts your judgment. 

The challenge is JJ. 

Being the only mother in the BAU, her opinion matters the most to you, and you're well aware it probably wouldn't be positive. 

You bring her an iced tea and sit down in her office. 

She raises a brow at you. It's uncommon for you to loiter in JJ's office in the middle of the work day. It's far more likely that you'll be in Garcia's, so JJ knows something's up. 

"Got a minute?" you ask. 

She closes the folder on her desk. "I've got five." 

Her poker face has been perfected by all the press conferences she's given. She stares at you while you nervously lay out the plan. 

"y/n, being a mother is the best part of my life. Being with Will makes it even better. Why wouldn't you wait for the right person? You're not even thirty!" 

"I'm almost thirty. Reid's not the right person to marry, but he's the right person to be a father. I'd trust him with anything. We're in a good spot- we can afford to trade field work. Gideon practically hand picked Reid to lead the BAU some day. Once he starts moving up the ranks, he's going to lose out on so much time." 

"What about you?" 

"What about me?" 

"What happens to you when he moves on to bigger things?" 

Bigger things? Does she mean you or the baby? 

"JJ, you know about his dad and you've seen how dedicated he is to his mother. He's not going to abandon his child." 

"No, I mean your career, y/n. What happens when Reid is full time in the field? When he starts working longer hours?" 

"One of us will be married by then. We'll work it out with our partners." 

She's quiet for a minute before she spits it out. 

"I don't think he will get married." 

You weren't expecting that. "Why not? You've seen how people drool over him in the field." 

"I'm sure he'll have offers, but do you really think he could let somebody in like that? Access to his life, for the rest of his life?" 

You can't help but think that's exactly the position having a baby would put him in. 

"He let all of us in." You leave out the fact that he let you in the most. 

The conversation has run its course. 

"Have a good weekend, alright, JJ?" She gives you a small smile on your way out. 

You had worried that everybody would tell you what an idiot you were, but ultimately nobody had questioned your capabilities as an agent or a possible mother. It wasn't exactly their blessing (other than Garcia), but it felt good to talk about the situation. 

Your thrilling Friday night plans included getting your stitches out at an urgent care. It takes far more time than it really should, so you get take-out on the way back home. A glass of wine later and you're out cold until morning. 

You don't bother rolling out of bed until eleven. You've got a voicemail for Reid. You hit speaker while you get ready. 

"Hey, y/n. I just-I'm sorry. I was way out of bounds. You were drunk when you came up with the idea, and I never should have brought it up when you were injured. I know I showed up unannounced last night, and I shouldn't have done that either. You have every right to ignore me. I just want you to know how I feel. I don't want to lose you over this. Give me a call whenever you feel up to it. Today, tomorrow, a year- I'll pick up." 

You don't even register dropping your hairbrush onto your foot. It snaps you back to reality. 

He was here last night? 

You rack your brain, but unless he pulled an Edward and watched you sleep, he must have just banged on the door and thought you were ignoring him. 

You listen to the message again. This time, you notice how emotional he sounds. 

You hauled ass out to the building's stairwell and took the stairs two at a time. You banged on his door with your fist, calling his name. 

His eyes are slightly puffy when the door swings open. 

"I-I had a long week, and I got my stitches out last night. I just crashed when I got home. I wasn't ignoring you, I swear." He's visibly relaxed some, so you keep going. "I've thought about it all week." Now you're smiling. "Let's have a baby." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the sweet comments!!!!!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

He pulls you off your feet and into a hug. You can feel a blush over your face when he sets you down and you pull back to look at him. He doesn't take his hands off your waist, just gently keeps them there. The smile on his face is the brightest you've ever seen. You move your hands from his shoulders to wrap around his neck. 

He pulls you close and kisses you. Not exactly how you thought this conversation would go, but it feels right. 

You lean into it and he backs the both of you into his apartment. You've been here plenty, but the layout always seemed to change. Spencer always remembered where everything was, so he never bothered much with what went where. As long as it was clean and there was a path cleared to each room, he was happy with it. You let him lead you from the door to his bedroom, a path that was defined by stacks of books on both sides. The kiss finally ended when he broke it, only to pick you up and deposit you on the bed. 

You seize the opportunity and pull your shirt over your head while he climbs onto the bed. You put your hands on his shoulders and lean him back against the forest green duvet. The look of desire on his face makes your heart beat faster. You start to pull down his zipper. 

That's when his hand grips yours. You'd never guessed he'd be a dominant type is bed, but you weren't complaining. You raise your eyebrows at him playfully. 

"You're not ovulating." 

It takes you a second to process that. 

"How the fuck would you even know that?" 

He can't help himself as his brain kicks in. 

"Last July, you had a grocery list on your fridge on the 6th that had tampons on it. On August 4th, you had another that included pads. The notes only appeared on those days, so you must have run out then, towards the end of your period. This is consistent with a 29 day cycle." 

You climb off of his and flop down next to him on the bed. 

He's clearly embarrassed. "Sorry. I wouldn't remember personal stuff like that if I had a choice." Being unable to forget your best friends menstrual cycle wasn't the worst thing about his memory. You're certain he's seen plenty in the BAU he doesn't want to remember. 

"How do you know you're right? There's some assumption involved. And periods aren't always regular." 

"You should have ended your last period on this past wednesday." 

"Oh, fuck off." You laugh. "So you can tell me when I will be ovulating?" 

"Technically, you'd have to take an ovulation test to know. Some women who struggle to conceive do." 

"Gimme an estimation, pretty boy." 

"Thursday through sunday." 

You grin at him. "Assuming we aren't on a case, how's dinner on Friday?" 

"Sounds good. But even if we are on a case, there's always the hotel...or the SUVs." 

"No way. I am not having car sex like a teenager." 

"Come on," he smirks. "Nobody would suspect anything if I was just driving you back to the hotel." 

"You know damn well I'd be the one driving." you snort. You sit up and find your shirt. 

"This might be your last weekend before you try for a baby." He comments. "Wanna have a last hurrah tonight?" 

"What do you have in mind?" 

"The nice bottle of champagne Morgan got me for christmas." 

God, champagne with Reid sounded good. 

"What time should I come back up here?" 

"8?" 

"You got it." Now fully clothed, you got off the bed and make your way to the front door. "Want me to bring anything?" you called back to him. 

"Nope." He was watching you from the bedroom doorway. 

You took the stairs one at a time down to your apartment. Thank god you didn't have a roommate to question why you were spending so much time getting ready. You weren't going over the top, but that evening you spent more time than normal making sure your hair fell just right and your makeup looked nice. You threw on dark jeans and a tank top that was technically more sexy than casual, but it's hardly your fault if you have nice cleavage. 

You snag a bottle of white wine from your fridge and head up. The feeling in your chest is a little unusual. Your heart doesn't typically beat this fast when you go to see your best friend. A muffled yell comes from the other side that it's open, so you push the handle yourself. 

He's standing behind his kitchen island, and his torso is covered in flour. 

The sight makes you smile. "Whatcha doing?" 

"Making dessert." 

"I've got a man with a PhD in chemistry making me dessert. I've got high expectations." 

"You'll want to lower them." 

It's blueberry pie- not very traditional for the winter, but it'll pair well with the wines. You're completely sober when he pulls out those old school champagne glasses, but you still feel a little dizzy. 

"These always make me think of the great gatsby." You remark as he pours. 

"In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars." he says softly. 

"Have you really got that book memorized, or are you just making that up?" you prompt. 

"I promise you it's memory. I had to read it for English in tenth grade." 

"Wasn't that twenty years ago?" 

He blushes a bit, "I still read it." 

Things started off tame, but before you knew it, it had been an hour and a half and you were three glasses deep. Reid had yet to touch his. 

You were desperately trying to find your train of thought when Reid prompts you "Something about Garcia?" 

And you're back in the game. "I'm not saying you should do it," you say. "I just wanna know- If you had to wear one of Garcia's outfits for a day, which would you pick?" 

"To work? Or on an off day?" 

"A Friday. Work then drinks." 

"That seems unfair." He raises a brow at you. 

"I asked you first." 

"You didn't really- alright. And I can't mix any pieces? It has to be a set?" 

You take another sip from your glass. "Yeah. Don't try anything funny, I don't have your memory but I have Garcia's cell number." 

He laughs. "Alright- She's got this pink and black dress with a flower petal pattern, and she wore it with pink shoes and two little roses in her hair." 

"Good choice. I bet she'd do your hair if you asked." you tease. 

Your cell starts ringing. You pull yourself off the couch and grab it from the kitchen table. 

"Hiya." You greet without looking at the contact. 

Hotch's voice is as business-like as ever. "Conference room in thirty. We have a case." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a couple notes:  
> *double update today because tomorrow is the fourth of july. I dont plan on celebrating america but I do plan on getting drunk and having a nice day with my family  
> * there is a severe lack of Garcia outfit pics on the internet. The pink dress does exist and some promo pics were taken in it  
> *I am a chemistry major and i can confirm that no matter how much time I spend in the lab I have no gotten better at baking (i can cook though)  
> *every time they get called in on a case I always think about like what if one of them was just absolutely hammered. reader is not hammered but i am still writing a little wish fulfillment in the next chapter having the reader show up a little past tipsy to the jet lol


	11. Chapter 11

It takes ten seconds after you end the call for Hotch to call Reid. After, he raises an eyebrow at you. 

“Are you gonna be alright?”

The room is only spinning a little, so you give him a thumbs up.

You didn’t have a case the previous week, so you both had go bags at the office. He grabbed one of his own winter coats and helped you into it before grabbing one for himself. Reid grabbed his own keys and herded you into the elevator.

On the steps outside of your building, he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“I’m not hammered.” you hissed at him.

“Maybe not, but you’re stumbling.” 

Were you? Huh. You could have sworn you were doing a fine job of walking.

Luckily, you had left your credentials in your jeans, so you didn’t have to stop by your apartment. You didn’t feel quite as lucky when the security officer at the gate was watching you squirm around in the passenger seat to get them out of your back pocket. 

The moment you opened the conference room door, Hotch was staring into your soul. Despite the “don’t profile each other” rule, he had a spooky way of reading everybody instantly. On second thought- it might have been the bottle of water that you made Reid get for you, which you were now taking tiny sips of. 

Either way, you were pretty coherent for the briefing. You’d probably ask JJ to give you a run down again in a few hours anyway. Things went well until you boarded the jet. Prentiss and Morgan were having the time of their lives listening to you ramble about whether or not Anderson, who didn’t technically work for the BAU but had a desk in the bullpen and was friendly with the team, was gay. 

Ten minutes into the flight was when you started to feel rough. Fifteen minutes in, you hauled your ass to the bathroom to throw up. Prentiss came in to hold your hair as you started to vomit.

You sat back against the wall when your stomach was empty. Prentiss passed you (another) bottle of water.

“Hotch is going to kill me.” you leaned your head in your palms. 

“Nah, you’ll be alright. Before you joined, we got called in on a case early in the morning after one of my college friend’s bachelorette parties. If Hotch was going to fire people for showing up drunk, it would have been then. We’re on call 24/7, every day of the year. It happens.” You tilt your head to make eye contact with her.

“Thanks, Em.”

“Ready to go back out there? I’ll kick Reid off the couch so you can take a nap.” She stood and held a hand out to you. 

You took her hand and let her help you up. She motioned to Reid, but you shook your head, instead lying down with your feet in his lap. Falling asleep while drunk on a plane felt a bit like falling asleep on a rollercoaster, but you managed it. The case took you to the west coast, so you got a few good hours of sleep in before JJ woke you up to rebrief you. 

It was nearly eight in the morning, so you shuffled off the plane and straight to the offices of local law enforcement. You spent most of the day in the office and on the phone with Garcia, trying to connect the dots the team found as fast as possible. The day didn’t wrap up until nearly ten at night. Thankfully, you were in San Francisco, where plenty of restaurants are open late. The same was true for D.C., but it wasn’t uncommon in smaller cities and rural towns for the team to awkwardly break for dinner while things were open before returning to staring at bloody bodies and interviewing killers. JJ convinced you and Prentiss to get take out together and you ended up eating it on the floor of yours and Prentiss’s hotel room. 

“Wanna tell us where you were last night?” JJ grins while she lifts a forkful of her meal to her mouth. 

“Do I have to?” you feel a touch of a blush on your cheeks.

“Yes!” She and Prentiss said at the same time. 

“I was at Reid’s apartment. I got started on the champagne way earlier than he did.” JJ nearly chokes.

“Champagne? You two got something to celebrate?” Prentiss playfully poked at you.

“I bet they will soon.” JJ smirked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you fired back, but there wasn’t much heat in your voice.

“Have you told Emily about your plan?” She asked.

Prentiss caught your eye and mouthed “baby?” at you.

“Yep. Penny knows too. I told him I’m in. That was my last night of getting drunk before we start, ya’know…” you trailed off.

“Fucking?” Prentiss helpfully adds.

“Trying!” you correct.

There’s a beat of silence before JJ says “So, are you gonna fuck him?”

“I guess.” you mumble, face bright red. They both make you promise to spill the details afterwards, which you agree to with no intention of doing. If anybody is going to hear about it, you’d be calling Morgan and Garcia, the masters of drama and gossip. Those two would take you out for brunch and keep the details between the three of you. 

“JJ, are you guys still thinking about getting a dog?” you start, and the conversation falls into an easy pace until the three of you turn in for the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We cracked 10k words!! hope you all enjoyed! If I had to pick characters from cm to gossip with, it would 100% be garcia and morgan bc you just know they'd buy mimosas and take your side
> 
> also, I realize that usually garcia doesn't go by penny but its cute and she warms my heart so i think y/n would have a special spot in her heart for her too (also I realize, i haven't had y/n call Reid "Spencer" yet, im working on incorporating it lol)


	12. Chapter 12

The case wraps up on a friday afternoon, temping you all to stay and finish up paperwork before the weekend. It never quite works out that well, but you all can dream. 

After five, only the BAU is left on the floor, though JJ left to get home. Your head snaps up at the sound of the main door opening. Will has Henry cradled in his arms while JJ follows behind them with carry-out for the team. 

“If she doesn’t marry you, I will.” Prentiss grins as she stands from her desk.

“It was my idea!” JJ insists. In response, Prentiss raises an eyebrow at her, then winks.

You head off to Garcia’s office to tell her about dinner. She’s far more excited when she hears that her godson came along. You’ve never seen a woman move so fast in heels before.

“Give me the baby, babe.” She reaches out to Reid, who’s been playing with Henry in your absence.

It strikes you as you all eat around the conference room table that it really does feel like a big family dinner. You’ve warmed up to Rossi overtime. There wasn’t a particular moment where you accepted him, but watching him work with Hotch and approach the job with a bit of humor put you at ease. The BAU no longer felt like it had a step-father. You spend the dinner between Morgan and Will, who trade stories of the weirdest 911 calls that got dispatched to them and they leave you crying laughing.

On the other side of Will and JJ, Garcia and Reid are both fawning over their godson. Remembering the date and seeing Reid with the baby, your heart beats a little faster. Surely Reid remembered what the two of you had originally planned for the day?

He made no mention of it nor did he give you any odd looks. Should you mention it? Or would that make things more awkward?

With everybody still in the office, you put it to the back of your mind. JJ leaves with her family after dinner, and Garcia leaves shortly after that. Prentiss and Morgan go out for a beer, and you turn down their offer to join. Next is Rossi, who shares absolutely nothing about his plans. Hotch stays until nearly eight, before tossing some keys to Reid and mentioning Jack’s Saturday morning soccer games. 

Then it's just the two of you. You didn’t stay on purpose, you really were finishing a report. Still, you pretend to read over your work while you watch Reid from the corner of your eye. He continues whatever he was working on, so after a minute you give up on him and go back to the report.

He waits until after you’ve gotten back into the groove. An arm slips around your shoulders while a hand lands on your desk, effectively boxing you in.

“I was just about to head out and I remembered you don’t have a car here.” He says next to your ear.

You shut down your computer.

“Now that you mention it, I might just have to hitchhike home.” You play along.

“Can’t have that. You wouldn’t believe how many hitchhikers end up dead.”

You break and laugh. “Why, because it’s higher than I’d think? Or lower?”

He stands up straight and smiles at you. “Honestly, I don’t know. Never had a hitchhiking case.”

“Should I just take my chances out there?”

“Nah, come with me.”

“Victims almost always know their killers.” You say as you slip into your coat.

“Too bad a witness saw us together here earlier. I’ll never get away with it now.” He holds the door open for you. Conversation is light and natural on your way home. It was a long six days of work, but the case ended with an arrest before anymore people were killed, so it was the sort of week that was immediately satisfying. 

When you get into the elevator of the building, there’s a slightly odd pause. Should you hit both of your floors? Would he just want to go home and sleep? Or did he want you to come over?

He makes the call and leans over you slightly to press your floor.

Only your floor.

He stays pressed close to you after he presses it.

You turn to look into his eyes. He’s got a smile on his face and his eyes are lit up.

He wraps an arm around you to pull you close. The doors creak open before you get a chance to get any further. You fish the keys out from your pockets while he hovers behind you.

Once you’re inside and the door is shut, he wastes no time pulling you close and kissing you. It’s surprisingly deep, and when you pull back, he’s looking at you with an expression that screams desire. Your heart flutters. You had expected this to be more clinical somehow, but it was like any other foreplay you’d had. Although, that wasn't entirely true. Nobody you’d ever kissed had looked at you like that. It was your turn to lead to the bedroom. You walk backwards slowly into your bedroom while you kiss again. You sit down on the edge of the bed and break the kiss to kick off your shoes and lose your top. 

You thought he’d sit down with you, but instead he helps you out of your clothes. He doesn’t touch your bra, leaving that decision up to you. He makes no move to remove any of his clothes. He gets onto his knees in front of the bed and pulls your underwear down. You laugh with a little bit of nerves. You were almost entirely naked in front of a man you’d spent the past year pretending you never had sex dreams about. 

“What’re you-” you start, even though you know the answer. 

He doesn’t say anything, but you watch as his hands gently grab your bare thighs and pull you to the edge of the bed. You go with the flow and lay down on your back, staring at the ceiling. His hands move to the insides of your thighs and gently move them apart. You tense up a little. You can’t remember the last time a man took so much initiative. You can’t even remember a guy eating you out without you asking them to. 

Reid puts a hand on your waist and the other reaches up to yours on the bed. He gently pulls your fingers from where you were gripping the duvet and laces your fingers together. 

He presses a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh, just above your knee.

“Alright?” He asks.

“Yeah.” you breathe softly, squeezing your hand in what you hope is reassurance. 

“You’ll tell me if you want me to slow down or stop, right?” 

You agree again.

“It’s just me and you, y/n. Like always.” You relax at that. He’s right. It’s just sex, and it’s just you and your best friend. You take a few deep breaths, then squeeze his hand again. 

Reassured that you’re okay, he presses kisses all over your thighs. His fingers move in a gentle circle on your hips, soothing you. It’s erotic, but also familar. His fingers move with the feather-light touch that they do over book pages. You could recognize him from this alone. You arch your back a bit as he tastes you for the first time. His tongue moves slowly, but surely. You start to breathe harder as you get wetter. The first time you let a moan slip through, his enthusiasm grows. He moves to gently suck on your clit. The pressure is perfect and you moan again, far louder this time. You slide your free hand into his hair, pulling him closer.

This time, he’s the one moaning.

He pulls your first orgasm out of you that way, with his mouth. You arch your back higher and find yourself gripping his hand tighter. After, he stands up from his spot between your legs. You shiver a little looking at him. You’re completely undone and he’s still in his work clothes, looking like he could start putting together a geological profile. 

It doesn’t last, though. He strips down and joins you on the bed. You wonder how long he’s been hard for. Going by his moan, it must have been a while. Was he really that turned on by you? Or was it just instinct?

Either way, he was hard. You didn’t put a lot of thought into how big his dick might be, but it surpassed any expectation you could have had. He positioned himself above you and kissed you, letting you taste yourself. One of his hands brushed your hair from your forehead as he pulled back.

That look of desire was back on his face. It made you blush harder than you had when he had his tongue in your cunt. Something about how loving and excited he looked made you feel like this was something more than it was. You were friends. That’s it. The feeling of his dick rubbing against your clit didn’t feel “friendly”, exactly. More like “you’re the love of my life”. But who’s counting?

“Ready?” He asked and you nodded.

Instead of pushing in, he put his hands on your hips and flipped you both.

He gave you the lead. You leaned down to be nearly chest to chest with him. He slid a hand between the two of you and started to rub your nipples.

You took a couple deep breaths and used a hand to guide him into you. He moved to wrap his arms around you, holding you without restricting your movement. You got started slowly before picking up the pace, and he started to thrust up to meet you. You moaned and he pressed a kiss to your temple.

“You can use my first name, you know.” He teases.

You crack a smile and reach down to rub your clit as you move. 

“Fuck me harder, Spencer.”

He rolls the two of you over and kisses your neck as he chases his end. You cum again with the feeling of him inside of you and his hot mouth on your neck and moving down to your tits.

After you finish, you relax and move your hand from your clit into his hair. He doesn't last much longer than you. You’re glad to be on your back again, partially because it's a good position to conceive and mostly because you’re not sure you have the energy to move. You both rest for a few minutes before you squirm under the covers. He gets in beside you and pulls you close to him. You don’t miss the way his hand rests over your lower stomach. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: thats a wrap on phase one! I know theres been a lot of build up, but i feel like with self inserts it can be helpful to take the time to establish the dynamic between y/n and the love interest, also i wanted to include moments with BAU members. stay tuned for more!
> 
> also- it takes an average of 20 minutes for a vagina to get fully aroused and expand enough in depth for penetrative sex. i couldn't work it into the text, but i just know Reid would keep track of how long foreplay has gone on for to make sure his partner is comfortable. the beside alarm clock comes in clutch (also also- you cant tell me he doesnt have a big dick, my heart just tells me its big)


	13. Chapter 13

Your room is still dark as you snatch your ringing phone off of the nightstand. Your eyes register JJ’s contact as you answer the call, tucking back into the warm bed.

“Hey, y/n. We’ve got a case. It’s local, and they won’t settle for anybody but the BAU. I need you at the office by 6:30, alright?”.

Despite a new case being the last thing you want, you agree. 

“You got it, Jayge.”

The air is crisp around you as your window planes sap the heat from the room. You force yourself out of bed, bringing the duvet with you for warmth. “What was that for?” Reid’s sleepy voice mumbles. 

“Shit, sorry. We’ve got a case. I’m getting in the shower.” You shrug the covers off and head into the ensuite, cranking the hot water as fast as you can. By the time you’ve got shampoo in your hair, you can hear Reid’s phone go off and muffled conversation from your bedroom. You finish up, get out and blow dry your hair as fast as you can, but you still don’t catch Reid before he leaves. You eat something and grab your keys. That’s when you notice his note. Handwritten on a post-it stuck to the back of your front door, it reads “y/n- JJ wanted me to get started on a geographical profile ASAP. I’m leaving for the office as soon as I can. See you there. - Spencer”.

You pull it from the door and stick it to your counter for safe-keeping. Your heart pounds a bit thinking about him leaving you a note after you slept together. You remind yourself that this is strictly about a baby. Reid is your friend, no matter how many butterflies you have in your stomach thinking about last night. You take the stairs instead of the elevator, the momentum of rushing down flights of stairs is just distracting enough to get the feeling out of your chest. 

You’re fifteen minutes early to work, but you and Rossi are still the last ones to arrive. The two of you had gotten in the elevator together, where he’d greeted you with a “Hey, kid.”. In an effort to not think about the fact that your coworker's sperm was currently inside of you making a kid, you blurted out.

“Kid is the name for baby goats, you know.” Rossi humors you with a small smile and you consider smashing your head in between the elevator doors. 

Nothing starts the day quite like an awkward interaction with your boss.

You both head straight to the conference room. Prentiss pulls the chair next to her out for you as JJ starts the briefing. 

After, Reid hangs back to catch you on your walk out of the room.

“How are you?”

“Good, you?” You raise your eyebrows. Reid wasn’t usually one for pleasantries.

“Oh I’m good, I-uh-how’re you feeling?” he stumbles a bit.

“Same as I did yesterday.”

“So, exhausted?” 

You snort at that. It’s not what you meant but it is true.

“Maybe. Whenever I start to feel off, I’ll tell you first thing. Promise.” 

He smiles at that. “It could be as long as two months for symptoms to appear.” He follows you back to your desk, where you start to grab anything you think you’ll need for the case. “Pregnancy doesn’t start until five to seven days after fertilization, when the zygote implants in the uterine lin-”.

For all the FBI training and experience he has, he is horrible about keeping things under wraps. Your eyes dart around, but nobody seems to have been listening to the two of you. You don’t want to draw attention by interrupting him. You do the only thing your brain can come up with. You step on his foot.

Not hard, just a press on his toes to get him to stop. 

He gives you a confused look and you start before he can. 

“In private, Reid.” you whisper. It takes him a second but he realizes he almost briefed the team on your friday night activities. 

“Right, my bad.” He nods.

He doesn’t bring it up again at work. In fact, he doesn’t even bright it up outside of work. You see plenty of each other- you finally got him a key to your apartment and he drops by more than ever. You don’t bring it up in case he reacts awkwardly. Two weeks pass until he calls you early on a sunday morning.

“What’s up, Spencer?” you raise the phone to your ear, still lying on your pillow.

“Hey, did I wake you? Sorry-listen. I just realized the date.”

“It’s nobody’s birthday, right?” You don’t remember any february birthdays on the team.

“Nope. You should have started your period today. Unless, you know.”

“I just woke up. Give me five minutes and I’ll give you an update.” 

“Okay!” he responds and you cut off the call.

You roll out of bed and go to the bathroom. Sure enough, there’s a few spots of blood on the “just in case” panty liner you’d put on last night.

You give him a call, as promised. The disappointment in his voice is clear when he hears your update.

“Oh.” He’s quiet for a moment, and you wonder if he’s going to back out. You’re still in so long as he is.

“You’ll be ovulating again in early march. We can talk about when to try again once we get close to the date.” you breathe a sigh of relief. 

“That sounds good.”

“Don’t stress y/n, conception commonly takes several attempts even when no fertility problems exist.” 

“Thanks, Reid. Sorry it didn’t work out this time.”

“Don’t be sorry, at least not to me. It’s a process, we’ll get there. Take it easy, ok?” you agree and end the call.

In excitement and optimism, you’d scheduled a blood test for this week already. It was far more accurate than an at home test and that sweet, sweet FBI insurance paid for it entirely. 

It was scheduled for wednesday morning. You figured that if you weren’t on a case, you ought to just go and talk it over with your doctor. It’s probably for the best that they know you’re trying anyways. 

You poke your head in Hotch’s office on Tuesday afternoon and fake a lie about getting a crown replaced, and he tells you he’ll hold any briefings until after lunch.

The nurse is clearly excited for you when he reads your chart, but you mention you got your period. 

“Can’t hurt to make sure, huh?” he remarks. They have an in-house lab for blood tests and you’re an early appointment, so he promises to rush it for you so you can have your results that day. 

You get a chance to talk to the doctor and you’re on your way back to the office. Your cell buzzes as you walk into the bullpen and you pick it up, stepping back out into the hall. 

“Ms. y/n/l?”

“Speaking.” you confirm.

“We have the results of your blood test this morning. They came back positive.”

You try to catch her before the nurse kills the call.

“Sorry, would you mind confirming what the test was?”

“Your HCG count. You’re pregnant. You’ll have to visit an OB to get an interpretation of the actual number’s effect on your pregnancy, but we can confirm that your pregnancy test was positive. Any other questions, ma’am?”

“No. Thank you very much.” you say in a small voice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's on spotting during pregnancy


	14. Chapter 14

You turn around to look into the bullpen. It looks perfectly business as normal. Reid catches your eye from his desk and gives you a small wave. You nod to the side, signaling for him to come out into the hall with you. There’s no real privacy in an FBI building, every corner is full of people rushing to get work done. You grab his arm and pull him into the elevator with you- the closest thing to alone you can get if you don’t have an office. You punch the button for the basement.

“Are we going somewhere?” he asks.

You turn to face him and put each of your hands on his shoulders, making him face you too.

“I had blood work done this morning. They just called me. I’m pregnant.”

You watch as he starts to smile. You don’t get to see the finished product because he rushes down and hugs you. He wraps his arms tightly around you and pulls you up off your feet. By the time the elevator reaches the lobby, he sets you down gently.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to crush you guys.” he says. Plural. Because there’s more than just two people to talk to in the elevator.

“We’re fine.” you laugh. 

“We’re having a baby!” he whispers in awe with that giant grin on his face.

You’re a bit teary eyed as you repeat back “We’re having a baby.”

He leans down to kiss you on the cheek as the elevator doors slide open. One of the archivists glares at you both while he steps on with you. You couldn’t care less about his thoughts on PDA, you hold Reid’s hand the entire way back up.

“You’ll come see me after work, right?” 

“Yeah.” he gives your hand a little squeeze as you both step off the elevator and try to act normal as you walk into the bullpen. 

Sure enough, he’s on your doorstep at 6:30 sharp. He bothered knocking, which you figured you were past, but when you open the door it's clear why. He’s got flowers in one arm and groceries in the other.

“What’re you doing?” you give him a confused smile.

“Making you dinner!” he sounds so enthusiastic for such a normal activity. It wasn’t a normal day, but Spencer was always like this to some degree. 

Before meeting him, you’d guess that a man with his intelligence would be bored with the world. You’d even interrogated unsubs who claimed that as a motive. They thought they were so clever that the only challenge for them would be dominating other human beings. Reid was the opposite of that. The gentle genius. Everything he learned seemed to make him love the world more. You remember feeling something like that during your college chemistry class. As hard as the material got, all you had to do was look at the floor beneath your feet or feel the textbook pages on your fingers to know that no matter how impossible the material sounded, it was true. Nothing was ever just a “thing”, but just a collection of trillions of atoms interacting. It was an interesting way to look at the world for a semester, but after a while, staring at your ceiling and thinking about how it's physically impossible to know where the electrons in the plaster are starts to hurt your brain. 

You think he must see the world like that all the time, only he doesn’t just see through a lens of a chemistry class for a while, he sees everything he’s ever learned about anything. Maybe everything becomes more beautiful when you know how impossible it is. How can anything be mundane when you know that all the light around you is both a wave and a particle? How can you be bored with the world when you can tell the age of every tree around you and know what changes in the world it has seen?

You find a vase for the flowers and settle down at your counter. He pushes a wine bottle towards you. You look at the label: sparkling grape juice. “We’re celebrating together, right?” he grins at you, handing you two wine glasses. You pour and offer to help him cook and he tells you not to worry, but if he needs help at some point he’ll ask.

It’s strangely intimate to watch him cook in your kitchen. It’s the first time he’s actually made a full meal here, but his memory means he never has to ask where anything is. You feel exposed, as if the contents of your spice drawer reveal you in some way. 

In a stranger's home it might. The two of you are both profilers. In theory, you could walk into anybody’s kitchen and get a pretty good idea of their lifestyle and possibly heritage. But Reid already knew those things. You don’t keep your kitchen any more organized than the rest of your home. There’s nothing new here. Perhaps it's just seeing another person open your cabinets that feels so exposing. You’ve known him for years, but now he knows you inside and out. 

And he will never forget any of it.

Or maybe it's just the fact that he’s cooking for you unannounced. It’s easy to forget the importance of food when you spend so much time on the road where everything is about convenience. Food is so common that you sometimes forget the emotion involved. The idea of eating something you don’t like is unnerving because it means you will be hungry. You trust him to pick out something you’d like and to prepare it so you won’t get sick. Basic survival dictates that letting somebody else cook for you is an expression of love and trust. There’s a silent message in making a meal: “You need this to live, so I made it with my own hands”. 

The feeling of trust blooms in your heart. By the time you eat, discuss baby names until Reid falls asleep on your couch, and finally lie down in your bed, you know that today would go down as one of the happiest days of your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! there's quite a bit more introspection in this one than normal but I'm a chemistry major that likes to cook lol and I've had one of those days where the world feels scary and remembering that the little things are really the big things is helpful to me, and then i started thinking about how Reid always thinks the little things are big and thats what makes him so lovable. also mgg is hot.   
> (fun fact: my sister is pregnant and told me that they decided on the name and the nickname: my nephew is going to be a JJ!)


	15. Chapter 15

Reid’s fun fact about delayed pregnancy symptoms was proving to be utter bullshit in your case. You went straight into a briefing on friday morning, and the jet took off before 10 am.

A half hour into the flight, you scrambled out of your seat and barely made it to the bathroom sink before you threw up. You rinse the sink and your mouth with water. By the time you’re finished, there’s a knocking on the door. You wrench the flimsy door aside and Reid stands in the doorway, looking a little pale.

“You alright?” He says quietly. You nod, gripping the counter. Despite your empty stomach, you don’t feel any better.

“Is this the first time since…?” He asks.

You nod again. You hoped motion sickness wasn’t going to be a thing. You didn’t even want to think about having morning sickness everyday. There was no point in hanging around in here- there was nothing left to throw up. Might as well go out and face your team. The first face you saw was Hotch very clearly glaring at you, and you got queasy again. You spent the rest of the flight with your head between your knees, trying to breathe through the discomfort. 

On your way to the local station, Hotch tells you to ride with him. Only him.

You don’t want to look nervous, so you settle for scrunching and unscrunchung your toes against the soles of your shoes. Hotch starts the car but pauses before he starts driving.

“Are you going to be able to work this case with your full attention?” He asks, staring ahead, out of the windshield.

“Yes.” You tell him, keeping your voice as steady as you can.

“I understand that this job is unpredictable, but I can’t have my agents showing up drunk or hungover regularly. This is twice in under two months.” Anger is seeping into his words. “It’s a workday, for Christ’s sake. We’re gonna work this case, and when we get back you’re going to meet with Dave and I and we’re going to figure out what to do about this.”

You can’t remember the last time anybody had actually yelled at you like that. High school, maybe? Tears prick at your eyes. 

You can’t go through a case feeling stressed over a situation that doesn’t exist.

“I’m pregnant.” You lay it out, voice breaking. “I found out on Wednesday. I haven’t drank since the Saturday night we had that case.”

You turn to him, but his face is unreadable.

“Do you know how far along?”

“Five weeks. Reid knows, too. I don’t know when I’m going to tell everybody.”.

“Reid’s been giving you worried looks for a while. I thought maybe he…” Hotch searches for a polite way to say it “...recognized some warning signs of something else.” Reid had mentioned an issue with drug abuse after a case, but you’d never heard any member of the team mention it.

Hotch’s face breaks out into a soft smile. Relief is visible throughout his demeanor.

“I’m glad you’re alright. I’ll keep you out of the field as much as I can for this case and we can talk about field work when we get home, alright?” He pulls out of the lot and starts driving to the station.

“Thanks for understanding. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m a little bit in over my head right now.” You admit. He nods in response.

When he finally puts the car in park, he calls out before you open the door.

“Congratulations.” You hit with a wave of emotion. It feels strange but sweet to be congratulated for the first time-especially by Hotch. You thank him and follow him into the station. 

For a guy that just found out, Hotch is freaky good at smoothing over keeping you out of the field. Nobody seems to realize that you’re technically getting special treatment, not even when you get assigned to help JJ prep for a routine press conference-something she could do in her sleep.

The day wraps up at eleven pm. You shut your hotel room door and immediately press your ear to the door. Once you hear the chorus of “good nights” come to a close and six doors shut, you count to five before you sneak across the hall to Reid’s room. You shoot him a text instead of knocking. He opens the door for you, then goes back to rummaging through his bag.

“Hotch knows.” You say, slipping into the room.

That gets his attention.

“You told Hotch?”

“I had to!” You stage whisper, more aggressive than you know you should be.

He only raises his brows in response.

“He thought I was hungover this morning. He wanted to have a meeting with Rossi about my drinking when we got back.”

“That’s ridiculous. You drink far less than the average American.”

“Well, yeah, we know that, but Hotch doesn’t.”

“You got drunk once and then got sick, and he thinks you have an issue? He’s accusing you with barely any evidence.” By this point, you could see Reid getting caught up in his own head.

“Spencer,” you interrupt, “Hotch also brought you up. He said you’d been looking at me like you were worried. Like you knew something he didn’t. Obviously you did,with the baby and everything, but-” now it was your turn to phrase it politely and you didn’t know how.

“He thought you were showing signs of addiction and I recognized them.” Reid finishes for you.

“That’s what it sounded like, yeah.” You sank down to the unused bead across from Reid. 

In an eerily calm tone, Reid began again. 

“That’s bullshit.” Heat crept into his tone. “He never did anything to help me. The only time he ever mentioned it was when I started going to meetings and he told me to keep going. I only had a dependence because an unsub literally tied me down and shot me up with dilaudid.” The look on his face was equal parts betrayal and anger. You hadn’t known that a case was behind his addiction. 

“I’m sorry.” you said. You knew it wasn’t what Reid wanted or needed to hear, but it was the only thing you felt comfortable saying.

“I’m sorry Hotch used it against you.”

Alright, now that seemed unfair.

“He wasn’t using it against me, Reid. I think he realizes that he didn’t do enough for you. I think he’s afraid of what could have happened. That’s why he’s taking his suspicion so seriously now.” 

He didn’t have anything to say to that, so you continued.

“Spencer, you have every right to be upset with him. But don’t let your anger make you think that Hotch is wrong in this situation, too.”

Reid came over to sit next to you. He put his face in his palms and took a deep breath.

“You’re right. If something was wrong, it’d want him to be overly careful with you-or anybody on the team.”

You slipped your hand into his and gave it a soft squeeze.

“I told him you already knew about the pregnancy, but that the rest of the team doesn’t.”

“Does he know it’s ours?”

“I don’t even know how I would begin to explain that to Hotch.” You snort.

“Well, most people announce at 12 weeks. We’ve got seven to figure out how to tell him.”

“We’re gonna need it.” you laugh, lightly squeezing his hand again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the "fix-it" chapter for the fact that the show barely deals w the whole dilaudid thing
> 
> (ps, since this ch dealt w addiction- ik corona has been especially hard on ppl w mental illnesses, my brother w an addiction problem had to go back into treatment in april bc all his healthy coping methods were basically shut down by covid. to any of you dealing w health problems rn or have loved ones struggling, i wish you the best <3)  
> As always, tysm for reading


	16. Chapter 16

When the case wraps up, you and Reid spend your day off combing the internet for an obstetrician. You stay tucked into your bed and Reid lays on top of the covers across the foot of the bed. Really, you comb through reviews of doctors while Reid puts his brain to use and compiles a spreadsheet of candidates according to factors like proximity to work and home, years of experience, and for some bizarre reason, his best estimate of their height. 

Between the two of you and an hour of your afternoon, you’ve got a shortlist. Another half hour later, and you’ve found one that is taking patients and made an appointment. Only four more weeks to go until you get your first ultrasound. The second you get the appointment on the books, you send Hotch the date. Case or no case, you’re making that appointment. 

Life proceeds mostly as normal. The morning sickness has kicked in daily, and not just in the morning. Reid has taken to stopping by your apartment before he leaves for work to make sure you’ve eaten something after your morning gag session. He stops by on Saturday’s and Sunday’s too, though it’s less of a drop in and more of a stay for the day. 

Mercifully, the nausea happens outside of work hours. You know the reason people hold off on announcing is in case of complications, but the fact is that if you had a complication, you’d never be able to hide it from the team. They’d insist on being with you through whatever nightmare most couples endure alone. If you were honest with yourself, you’d know that you were keeping the baby a secret because you still weren’t sure how to explain it to your coworkers. They’d probably be convinced it was an accident and think you and Reid had some kind of fling. The last thing you wanted was Hotch or Emily insisting Reid make an honest woman out of you. If you were honest with yourself, you would still politely ignore the voice at the back of your mind saying that marrying Reid might actually be fun.

Instead, you just keep baby-gate under wraps. It wasn’t that hard to put it aside at work with how busy your job was. You used to wonder how JJ kept it from the team for so long, but now you were a convert to compartmentalizing. 

The closest you ever came to slipping was when Prentiss got some kind of fancy coffee as a gift from somebody. It smelled like blueberries- six weeks ago it would have been welcome in the office but today it made your stomach churn.

You wouldn’t make it out of the office and down the hall to the bathroom. The best solution you could come up with on the spot was to grab a random file off your desk and book it into Hotch’s office as if you’d found something urgent. He gave you his trademark slightly-angry-but-really-neutral face when you swung the door open. The moment it clicked behind you, you got on your knees in front of the trash and threw up. 

Your boss crouched on the floor next to you and put a hand on your shoulder. It was probably the most affectionate thing you had ever seen Hotch do. “Alright?” he asked when you finally sat back.

You nodded. “Sorry, I’m still trying to avoid the team knowing early.”

“Hailey got sick a lot during her first trimester. She actually lost weight for a couple weeks because of it. It happens.” he hands you a tissue to wipe your mouth with.

“You are way too good to me.” you remark, and he gives you a tiny smile.

“I’d do the same for anybody on this team.” 

If anybody else said that to you, you’d think it was backhanded, like they wanted you to know that you weren’t special. From Hotch, though, it was the opposite. He’d do anything for the members of the BAU. Sure you had worked here for two years, but you were still the baby. You had plenty of days still where you felt like you needed to prove your worth to the team. Hearing him tell you that you were on the same level as the others was a real compliment.

You check your phone to see Reid had sent you a simple “?” when you’d gotten up and left. You texted him back to fake a headache and get prentiss to take the coffee elsewhere.

The team was in a bit of a slow period right now. It happens every march. Daylight savings time throws criminals off their rhythms for a bit. You normally have two traveling cases a month, but this time you had one. You crossed your fingers that it would be the last trip during your first trimester. You try every “natural” remedy in the book for the flight- between those motion sickness wrist bands and a bottle of ginger ale you keep your lunch down. 

Thankfully, the case doesn’t conflict with your ob appointment. You and Reid sneak off around lunch time. The doctor introduces herself before leaving to get a nurse to do the physical exam. Reid turns to you with a smile after she leaves.

“Excited to see them?”

“Yeah, but did you notice how tall she is?” he catches you off guard.

“What?”

“When you stood up to shake hands, you two are the same height. My estimate was spot on.”

“Was there a reason you were guessing heights?”

“It wasn’t guessing! It was a mathematical prediction based off of photos. I just wanted to see if I could do it.”

“I’m very happy for you.” you snort.

“Hello, Ms. y/l/n.” a nurse bustles through the door. 

She rattles off questions about your general health and symptoms. You blank for a moment on the date of your last period, which Reid helpfully supplies.

She laughs at that, and askes “so, I’m guessing this is daddy?”

If she notices your awkward flush at that, she doesn’t mention it.

She takes a blood sample before she starts the scan. When she asks you to pull up your shirt, you feel oddly exposed. You’ve spent the last couple weeks thinking about making sure no attention was on your stomach, and now it was the star of the show. You didn’t miss the way Reid’s eyes immediately went to the barely-there bump. Somehow, you felt more naked than you had 10 weeks ago. 

The nurse calls the doctor back in before she starts to spread the jelly on your stomach. You shift a little under the cold sensation and Reid’s hand finds yours at your side. 

It takes a moment for the nurse to find it, but soon the sound of a little heart beat fills the room. Spencer squeezes your hand just a little.

“There’s the little one! Looks like you were right about your estimated due date.” You do not mention to the doctor that there was only one possible conception date. 

You both are given prints of the ultrasound. You almost laugh when you see your name in the corner next to a tiny baby blob. Logically, you know that you’re pregnant, but it still doesn’t feel real. 

Reid’s eyes stay glued to the print the entire way out of the office, even though he’s already committed every detail to memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back in the day, when i was in middle school, my advisory met in the school library and some office nearby always made blueberry coffee during that time and it was insane how strongly it smelled. on the bright side, even though i dont like coffee, it smelled amazing


	17. Chapter 17

You get a call at the end of the week about the results of the blood test. No markers for chromosomal abnormalities were detected.

Your good luck ends on Saturday afternoon. You pull yourself away from your couch and throw together a go bag. JJ and Garcia brief the team on a family annihilator in Tennessee, where local authorities are convinced the unsub has a copycat. 

You shoot Reid a text about carpooling to the office, but he replies that he’s in the city, so you head to the office alone. When you enter the conference room, JJ has that apologetic look on her face that she always gets during overtime cases. Prentiss comes in with half a manicure done and Hotch has green marker smeared on one of his hands, so he must have been visiting Jack. Rossi and Morgan are next to come in, thought they look like they do on a normal office day. Reid, surprisingly, is last to the office. He too looks like he normally does, right down to the sweater and mismatched socks. You can’t help but poke a little fun at him.

“Where’ve you been?”

With all eyes on him, he responds “Chess tournament.”

“Were you winning?” Prentiss asks.

“Well, I was going to.”

Morgan cracks a smile. “So you were losing.”

JJ and Garcia pull the team’s focus to the briefing. A week ago, a small town had a family annihilation case perpetrated by the father, who was still loose. 

This morning, a family with the kids of the same age and gender were found killed in the same manner-and the father was on the run too.

Given your background in child development, you hope you’ll have some insight to offer on family dynamics. There’s probably nothing you could tell Hotch and Rossi that they didn’t already know, but this was an opportunity to contribute to the preliminary profile that you couldn’t pass up.

Morgan took a seat in the back with JJ, leaving a spot for you with Prentiss, Hotch, and Rossi. You shuffle through the school records of both families and the oldest daughters of each family jump out at you. 

“Guys, check out the academic records of the first family’s daughter. Average grades until tenth grade when she becomes an overachiever. Makes sense, better grades would help keep her father’s outbursts at bay. Family annihilators often try to force their family to be perfect, usually because they're obsessed with protecting the family, their version of protecting, anyway.” you comment. “She probably started to recognize college as an option to escape her situation. Same goes for her involvement in sports. It probably started as a way to keep her father happy when she was younger and once she realized it kept her out of the house, she picked up a sport in the fall, one in the winter, and one in the spring. Now look at the second family’s oldest. She has consistently above average grades. She took a wide range of classes, both in subject and difficulty, so she wasn’t overly afraid of failure. She didn’t play any sports, but according to interviews with her friends, she had an interest in painting that her parents were supportive of. There’s no reports of her staying at friends' homes abnormally often. By all accounts, she had a good home life.”

“What are you saying?” Hotch prompts.

“I’m saying that whatever the second family’s home life was like, it wasn’t the home life under a future family annihilator.”

Prentiss jumps in. “Maybe it’s not a coincidence at all that the family structures are identical. What if the first father reenacted his initial crime on the second family?”

Hotch runs with it. “When we land, we need Garcia to dig into recent remains found in the area. If he’s reliving his crime, he needs the father gone before he starts so he can assume that role. In a delusional episode and given that he’s probably in a hurry to get the rush of his actions again, it was probably a sloppy kill. If this is the profile, then the father’s body has likely already been found.”

When the team begins to deplane, Hotch sticks around for a minute to speak with you.

“Agent y/l/n. Good call-profiling the kids.”

It doesn’t feel right to say “thanks for appreciating my analysis of dead children’s lives, so you settle for a casual shrug and tell him “It’s the area I’ve got the most experience in. I was just telling you what jumped out at me.”

“I’m glad you did.” He says before giving the team instructions on where to head first, effectively ending the conversation.

You spend the evening on the phone with Garcia. She finds possible candidates for the second father’s remains while you call coroner's offices and search for dental records. You finally get a hit at ten pm, after begging a technician to fax you their report. 

Garcia conferences in the rest of the team. With the confirmation that the second father was dead, your preliminary profile was looking better by the minute. Garcia had been building a pool of potential victims since the briefing, so the moment you thought to ask for it, you found it already in your inbox. Four families in the area fit the pattern, so the team split into four groups to stay with the families overnight. Local law enforcement would patrol outside and in the morning, a schedule would be organized. For right now though, Hotch trusted his team over small town cops. JJ and Prentiss took one family, Morgan and Rossi took another, you and Reid took the third, and Hotch picked the local officer that bothered him the least to go with him. 

Exhaustion had set in by this point, so you handed over the keys to Reid. Thankfully, he seemed plenty alert. This was probably due to the fact that a) he wasn’t growing a being inside of him and b) he could drink as much caffeine as he wanted.

You shiver a bit at the drop in temperature when you walk into the parking lot. Sure, it was Tennessee, but it was Tennessee at night in march. “Here.” Spencer hands you his sweater from earlier which he’d had to lose due to the heat earlier. 

“Don’t you want it?”

“I’ve got long sleeves on. You’re cold. Go ahead.” You take it from him and shrug it on. You tuck the front into your slacks and it passes for a professional, if baggy, look. 

You politely don’t mention that Reid is definitely breaking the speed limit on the way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to make a short story long: this chapter was done last night but i generally like to write a bit past each chapter before I post so I know I'm not going to get writers block lol, so this morning i had a dentist appointment. I was like oh good I'll just sit in the chair and thinking about plot stuff while they clean my teeth. but my hygienist was out for the day, and they just hired a new dentist, so the new guy was going to do my cleaning. I was like oh perfect. he is a dentist he will be so good at this. i should have thought about the fact that hygienists are good at cleanings because its their job. the dentist dude struggled very hard. I have never been stabbed to many times. at one point he had to put gauze over a spot he punctured. it wasn't even near a tooth. point being i was distracted so i couldnt think. then i made chicken salad for lunch which was solid, wrote for an hour, made dinner (lasagna, also solid), and then I sat down and finished a 4k block of writing and now we are here. all this to say: sry this one is late, but the next three chapters are now written, so there be daily uploads for a bit
> 
> also this all started bc i was trying to come up w a way to do a sly gender reveal, so in a couple chapters you'll get to find out ;)


	18. Chapter 18

The wife answers the door in her pajamas. The panic is clear in her eyes when she hears you identify yourselves as FBI.

“Has something happened to Craig?” She whispers at you. Reid asks to come in while you peer into the house. The reason for her whisper is clear when you register a child standing at the bottom of the stairs. He can’t be more than eight years old. 

“Have you seen your husband this evening?” you ask.

“He went into the office today. I haven’t seen him since he left this morning.” Her voice is shaky but slow enough to be understood.

“Does he take a cell phone with-” Reid begins. 

“I saw daddy before I went to bed.” The kid calls out. 

You and Reid both pause for a moment.

“Did you see him before or after you put your pajamas on?” you ask.

“After. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t. I heard him walking up the gravel.”

“Does your husband drive to work, ma’am?” Reid asks.

“No,” she wipes tears out of her eyes. “He owns the electricians shop up the road. He likes to walk. 

Reid gives you a small nod and you step out onto the porch to call the team. Within ten minutes of mentioning a missing father, the street is filled with flashing lights. 

Hotch directs the family into protective custody. As members of the team show up, Hotch starts directing a search on foot. 

Strapped into bulletproof vests, you and Reid are sent west of the house. Being a rural area, the house is surrounded by thick woods. You both keep flashlights out ahead of you and Reid keeps his hand on his gun. There isn’t a formal trail, but it's clear from the beaten down brush that local teens probably spend a lot of weekends out here. Teens or not, the pseudo trail keeps you from busting your ankle on a rock.

Fifteen minutes into your trek, you wind up at a river. It’s a little tough to gauge the size in the dark. Whatever the width, you can hear the rush of the water and see the other bank. It’s not a river you would have tried to cross on foot. It runs perpendicular to your path so that the only way to continue your search is to creep along the edge. 

“Go left.” you tell him. “Radio if you find anything.” You don’t stick around to hear his response. You head up river.

It’s almost peaceful out here, with the dark and the sound of the water. The further you went, the less steep the edge of the bank was. When the drop into the river is under two feet, you come across imprints in the mud. It looks like something was dragged through here, either an injured animal or a human body. 

You radio Reid, but get no response. The rest of the team is probably out of range with how far you’ve gone. You mark your exact path by grabbing sticks and putting them vertically in the ground. You pass your starting point and start to follow Reid’s footsteps.

That’s when you hear an abnormal rush of water.

Somebody’s jumped into the river. 

You take off as fast as you can. Your blood is pumping fast and it feels like no time has passed at all. The beam from your flashlight settles on Reid’s figure on the bank. The tightness in your chest loosens a bit at the sight of him safe. 

“He’s in the river. He’s trying to drown the dad.” Reid calls out as you approach. 

Then he turns and jumps.

You scream after him. When you get to the edge, you can see he’s left his gun and radio.

Which means he jumped into a body of water fully clothed-including a bulletproof vest. If he drowns, you are so hiring a psychic just so you can yell at his ghost.

It takes your eyes a moment to register the motion below. You can’t hear the men’s voices below. Which means they won’t be able to hear you. You don’t have a shot at getting the unsub to stand down. Reid probably figured that out already. 

You try your radio. You rattle off your best estimate of the location and that an agent is down (technically true). After an agonizing couple of seconds, Hotch’s voice crinkles through the speaker.

That’s all you needed to hear.

You strip down to your underwear as fast as you can, including losing your boots. 

You take a couple running steps and jump in, aiming as best as you can for the sounds of splashing. 

The chaos disappears when you feel the cold water rush against your skin. Your ears are filled with the odd noise of submerged water. Instinct has you kicking to the surface, and it all begins again.

You landed within a few feet of the three men. The victim barely has his head above water. Reid has attempted to get a hold on the unsub and drag him away, but it’s clear that both the men are struggling, both against the water and each other. The unsub has his hands on Reid’s shoulders and keeps trying to push him below the surface, but without any leverage, they are stuck in limbo. The pair of men are closer to you than the victim, so you go for them first. The unsub’s button up is surprisingly helpful when you grab his arm. The cotton gives you a decent grip and you’re able to pull his arms back and pin them by hooking your arms through his. 

“I got it!” you call to Reid. “I got it! Go help him.” 

The unsub is physically bigger than you, but the water acts as an equalizer. You lean back to balance the force of him trying to swim off in front of you, effectively leaving the two of you to tread water. You can’t turn to see what happened to Reid and the victim, so you try to focus on keeping your grip. 

Help comes in the form of a floodlight burning your eyes. You can’t hear anybody on the top of the ledge, so you shut your eyes against the light and keep swimming. 

Reid’s voice brings you back to reality. The medics had lowered a basket stretcher down for the victim and they had just lowered a second, complete with zipties. Reid slips his hand in front of you to zip the unsubs wrists together-a shitty method but it’ll hold until they get him on shore. Together, the two of you drag him over and into the stretcher. 

You hadn’t realized how much energy you’d been expanding until you were swimming alone. Your whole body felt sore, and you still had to swim against the current. You insist Reid get out next, since he was the one clad in water logged gear, but he wouldn’t listen. 

Despite the water being cooler than the air, you’re somehow more freezing when the air brushes against your skin. Most of the medics are trying to get water out of the victims lungs, and the rest are focused on getting Reid out. You sit still, waiting for your eyes to adjust to the light when you feel arms grab at your shoulders, pulling you away from the stretcher. You don’t even try to stand, instead just settling on the ground again. One ear is filled with the sound of Prentiss’s voice, while the other hears Hotch. It occurs to you that they must be the ones with their hands gripping your upper body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised, another daily chapter! i spent most of my day moving all my stuff from my parents basement to my childhood room and im gonna do it all again in three weeks when i move into college so im pumped to write some tonight and wind down a little lol
> 
> there will be another ch up tomorrow :)


	19. Chapter 19

Their voices are too hazy to understand. You keep blinking against the lights and things start to come into focus. The area is lit up by flashlights and portable floodlights. If you had any energy to laugh right now, you’d probably find it funny that the woods looked like a highschool football field on a friday night. JJ and Rossi are standing behind the medics, peering into the river. Morgan is standing in a group away from the edge, likely with the unsub. 

The clarity returns to your hearing at the same time Hotch pulls away from you. Against the background noise, Prentiss’s voice is soothing in your ear. 

“Hotch is going to get you a medic. You’re gonna be fine, alright kid? We’ll be home in no time…” You nod in response to her voice and she lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Welcome back, babe.” You can hear the smile in her voice. As promised, Hotch returns with a medic in tow. She takes your vitals and checks for breaks and bleeding. 

“Can you tell me your name? What state are you in?” You rattle off your answers to the concussion questions. 

The EMT turns to Hotch. “She’s alright. No signs of shock. No obvious physical issues. Exhaustion is probably setting in after the adrenaline rush. You need to take her straight to a hospital for a full physical, but nothing needs immediate attention.” Hotch nods and thanks her. 

“Prentiss, make sure Reid gets checked out. I’m taking y/l/n to the nearest ER.” 

“Got it.” She gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before she makes her way to JJ and Rossi. Hotch helps you up and tells you to sit tight for a minute. He heads upriver, towards where you jumped in. He returns with your clothes and Reid’s sweater. 

“You need to get out of the wet clothes. Come on.” He leads away from the lights, giving you a dim spot to strip. He turns his back to you, and you try to be efficient. You sacrifice your blouse to the cause and use it to dry off. Wearing slacks without underwear is a bizarre sensation you have no desire to experience again. You shrug into the sweater and your boots. You wrap your bra and underwear in the wet blouse. 

“I’m, uh, good.” you try. The FBI handbook says nothing about how to tell your boss you aren’t naked. 

“Warm enough?” he turns and asks. 

“Yeah, I think so.” clearly, this was not the answer he was looking for. He pulls off his suit jacket and helps you into it. 

In this most atrocious outfit you’ve worn (middle school not included), you follow Hotch out of the woods. He makes you talk to him the entire time to prove you’re alright. You rarely talk about life outside of work with him, so it's a bit of a struggle to come up with a topic. He’s not much of a conversation, since he’s focused on getting out. You decide to tell him about what you made for dinner yesterday. A perfectly neutral topic. Unfortunately, it takes twenty minutes to get back to the SUV’s, so you end up detailing your last week of dinners to him. Any time you stop, he’d prompt “keep going, y/l/n.” 

He makes you talk on the drive to the hospital, too, but at least he’s willing to actually converse now. He picks a fairly neutral topic, too, asking about you favorite and least favorite college classes. 

“I’m not sure how well I could remember those on a good day.” you tell him honestly. 

“Try, will you?” he says, but for the first time tonight, there’s a levity to his voice. 

In the ER, he’s all business again. He pulls out the FBI badge and gives a brief explanation of the situation, ending by telling them you’re ten weeks along. 

Clearly, the nurses are a bit intimidated. Hotch offers to come back with you, but you return his jacket and tell him you’ll meet him in the lobby once you’re cleared. 

After hearing the babies heart beat and getting a full physical, and you’re returned safely to the lobby. Hotch is waiting as promised, along with the rest of the team, Reid excluded. The excited voices are a bit overwhelming, especially when the nurse tells them you’re perfectly fine, but welcome all the same. They promise you that Reid is alright, just getting the same exam you did. After you say hi to everybody and apologize for scaring the hell out of them, JJ holds up your go-bag. 

“You’re a saint, Jayge.” you tell her. She laughs and puts a hand on your back, leading you to a restroom. While you change, she tries to dry off your top and underwear with the hand dryer so that you don’t have to keep wet laundry in your bag on the way home. 

“Aw, you didn’t have to do that.” you blush a bit at her help. 

“No, but you’ll be glad I did.” she snorts. You can argue with that. 

In a clean set of clothes, you walk back out into the sterile white of a hospital hallway. JJ stops you before you get to the lobby, insisting you call Garcia. 

“She’s gonna chew me out.” you beg for JJ’s mercy, but she blows you off. 

“Garcia’s been worrying over you all night. Call her.” 

From the moment she picks up the call, Garcia starts going through every human emotion. She greets you with her bubbly personality, tears up, threatens you vaguely for scaring her, and above all, she talks. 

When she finally lets you go (not without making sure you know she loves you, JJ’s only comment is that you “deserved whatever Garcia had to say.” 

Reid hasn’t returned yet, so you tuck into a waiting room couch with a bottle of water to sip on and try your best to relax. Prentiss and JJ practically beg you to go to a motel with them, but it doesn’t feel right to go anywhere without Reid. 

You must have fallen asleep at some point, because you wake up briefly to the sound of a man's voice. 

“She’s perfectly fine. She’s already seen a doctor. Please go put some normal clothes on, man. Hospital gowns are not a good lo-” 

“What did they say exactly?” another man chimes in. 

“I don’t exactly know, genius!” This is the point where you hid your head in your arms to block out sound. 

The next time you woke, it was to the feeling of a hand shaking your shoulder. 

You start to sit up and you get knocked back into the back of the couch. After a moment, you realize somebody is hugging you. Tightly. 

“Are you alright?” Reid asks. Recognition turns into instinct as you hug him back, as tightly as you can. Tear prick a bit at your eyes as you nod. 

“Yeah. We’re fine” you croak quietly. He pulls back, but sets his hands onto your biceps. 

“Listen, we can fly home tonight if you’re up for it.” 

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. Let’s go home.” The sooner you got into your bed, the better. He stood up and past him you could see the rest of the team pretending to be busy in the plastic-y waiting room chairs. You might not be the most experienced profiler, but it was easy to tell they were all eavesdropping. Seeing the whole team reminded you of something- 

“Reid! You gotta call Garcia. She’s-” 

“I already made him do it, kid.” Rossi calls over to you. 

Satisfied, you take the hand Reid offers you. Prentiss grabs your bag from you and tells you to ride with her. 

When she turns the engine over, the dash sparks to life. 

“Holy shit, Emily. It’s almost five.” 

“Yup. Been a long twelve hours, huh?” 

“How long was I out?” 

“Forty minutes maybe? Reid got there a couple minutes after you fell asleep.” 

“Huh.” you mutter, leaning back against the headrest and drifting off again. 

You’re up again when Prentiss walks you to the jet, but the second you sit in your seat and lean your head on JJ’s shoulder, you’re out again. 

You wake for good when your ears start popping on the descent. Hotch makes you swear that you’re feeling up to driving yourself home, repeatedly offering to drive you himself. Reid makes the same offer (also repeatedly), but he settles for your offer to come straight to your apartment when he gets back. It would have done it anyway, but agreeing on it placates him. 

You weren’t lying, you really did feel alright. Your cat naps had added up to get you through the 6:30am traffic in Quantico. You crack the windows on the drive home, enjoying the nice, cool air. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for spooking you all, but baby reid is just fine... ch 20 will be up either tonight or tomorrow and we'll get to hear what reid has to say about the whole situation  
> "The kind of love that we will be forced to celebrate or escape on Valentine’s Day is too small." Adrienne Maree Brown


	20. Chapter 20

Reid was already home when you got back, although he didn't look like he'd been there long. His bag is on the floor by your front door and he's standing behind your breakfast bar, leaning on his forearms over the counter. You toss your keys in the bowl by the door and throw down your bag next to his. 

"Hey." You say, a bit uncertain. 

He finally speaks. 

"What did the nurses have to say about the baby?" 

"They checked the heartbeat at the hospital. Totally healthy." 

He breathed a sigh of relief. Once the reassurance sets in, he begins again. 

"What were you thinking?" He doesn't look angry, but tired and scared. 

You raise your eyebrows at him as you start to take your shoes off. 

He continues. "You're not supposed to be doing dangerous fieldwork. In the U.S., 1,300 people die a year from hypothermia, and 4,000 more die from drowning! You could have gone into shock, or hit a rock, or-" 

You straighten up, now frozen in place. "What else should I have done? Stood and watch the father of my child drown?" tears burn at the brim of your eyes. 

"Instead of jumping into an unfamiliar river at night with a killer? Yeah, you should have." At this point, the two of you are fast approaching full-on shouting across your kitchen. 

"That is not what we signed up for. You weren't the only one at risk, there was an innocent man in there! Our job is to help innocent people." 

"You weren't the only one at risk either." His voice is still raised, but now deadly calm. 

You walk into the kitchen. "Don't act like I'm ignorant. I know what's at risk. We both do. Isn't this why we went into this together? So we could keep our jobs and have a life?" 

"Keeping your job doesn't meaning risking a miscarriage." 

"How many times has Hotch put his life on the line, when he has a child at home? How many times has an unsub because obsessed with us and our personal lives? Putting our loved ones at risk has always been a part of this job. It's not fair, but we do it anyway. This job is about justice for everyone but ourselves. We have to be selfish to be selfless. It's always, always been like this. Just because this is the first time you've experienced it doesn't make it any less real." 

It's a low blow, bringing up his family life. You knew you'd regret saying it before you even finished speaking. 

"At least I've got somebody to care about, whether she's admitted or not." 

You had that coming. You always dodged questions about family with a simple "we're not close", but everybody knew there was more to the story. You were friends with your last team, but not enough to do more than exchange casual texts. 

You have plenty more to say in defense of your actions last night, but it all seems trite compared to where the conversation was at now. 

You sniffle a bit. The two of you are spiraling out of the realm of productive communication at an alarming rate. 

"We're not doing this." You say with all the authority you can muster. "We aren't the kind of people that just snipe at each other. The important part is that we are all safe right now. We can talk about how that case went down, but right now I need a little time. You can stay here, or don't- do whatever." 

You grab your bag and start to take it to your bedroom when he calls out your name. 

"I can call and make an appointment with your OB, if you'd like. Just to be safe." 

It's a peace offering, and one you gladly take. You swallow against the thick feeling in your throat and nod. 

You weren't kidding when you said you needed time. You loved your team, but being surrounded by so many people for so long was draining. You haul your go-bag into your bedroom and toss it onto your bed. You strip the second you get into your bathroom, desperate for a shower. A sideways glance at the mirror and you can see the beginnings of your bump. And that's all it really takes to break you. 

The tears start rolling and you do a decent job staying quiet until you crank your shower. Muffled under the noise of the water, you break out into open sobs. You get onto the floor of the shower- well aware of how pathetic you look. The cool tile feels good against your skin and the rinse of the water is soothing. Neither of those sensations do anything to stop your tears. 

The temptation to spiral and berate yourself for being an idiot and getting yourself into this mess in the first place is temping. But it's too late to regret anything. More than that, to declare your baby a mistake because you had one hard day is far too drastic. 

Instead, you let your body cry it out while you focus on all the things you've been counseled to. Your inner dialogue says "Your feelings are valid! Emotions are not facts! You don't have to act just because you're upset!" but it comes out like there's a gun to that inner voice's head. 

When the water becomes burning hot, you bring yourself to sit up and turn the dial down. You wash your face and your hair before standing to clean the rest of your body. Finally up and done crying, you finish up and wrap yourself in a towel. 

As you riffle through your closet, you can hear Reid banging around out in the living room. You shouldn't be surprised by a psychological profiler's interpersonal skills, but Reid had a way of surprising you. Maybe it was just the fact that any of your past boyfriends would have stormed off after an argument, but you were a bit misty eyed thinking about the fact that he was a good enough guy to recognize that you both were taking out your stress on each other and take a break from the argument. Not that Reid was a boyfriend, but still. Most guys your age would treat an argument like a break up and refuse to interact with until you had to be the one to apologize. 

"The nurse said they could make time for you this afternoon." Reid tells you when you walk into your kitchen to make a cup of devastatingly caffeine-free tea. 

"How many times did you have to throw around the "FBI" card to get that?" you snort. 

"The FBI part is very relevant in this case." he shoots back. 

You can't help but grin a bit. "So you did use it." 

"Only had to say it once." he counters, smiling back. 

You finish making tea and lean your back against your counter while you wait for it to cool. It's as good a time as any for this. 

"I don't regret going in after you. But you're right that I made a mistake- I never should have gone out on a search for an unsub. I should have let another officer go with you." 

"I should have asked you to step back, anyways." he says, regret clear in his eyes. 

"We're a team. Any other time and we would have made the perfect call. It's easy to slip back into habit under stress. I'm almost eleven weeks along- another week and a half and we can announce to the team. It'll get easier after that." 

He comes to stand next to you and grabs your hand. 

"When you went in with all that gear on, I really thought you were going to drown." you tell him in a small voice. 

"You know clothes don't weigh you down in water, right?" 

"I know how buoyancy works." you snort. "But once you get out of the water, you'd have exhausted yourself before you could have scaled that drop if you were wearing boots and a bulletproof vest that were wet. And I'm positive that if you fall into a river while exhausted, you'll eventually drown or crack your head open on a rock." 

"Touche." 

"I know I spooked you, but I called for backup before I got in. Plus- it would have taken an hour, if not more, for us to get hypothermia in that water. If nobody showed up, I could have climbed out and gotten help. In that case, we wouldn't have gotten out with no casualties, but you and I would survive." 

Your reasoning puts him at ease for a moment, before he thinks to ask "what made you think the baby would be alright too?" 

"Unless I was in the water long enough to get hypothermia or hit something on the way down, there shouldn't be any major risk. It's pretty tough to inflict enough physical trauma to cause a problem in a running river- you're too busy swimming. The unsub would only be able to drown the father because he was physically weakened." You adopt a lighter tone. "I'm a damn good swimmer, and the baby is too. All she does in there is swim anyways." 

Your mistake registers. 

"She?" he asks, hope creeping into his voice. 

The look on his face is so sweet, you can't help but smile. 

"The blood test they did can determine gender and I saw it when they sent me the paperwork after the nurse called me about the results on friday. I wasn't sure if you'd want to know yet." 

He lights up. "Of course I want to know! We're having a daughter!" He leans in to hug you, picking you up off your feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby girl reid is all good :) and we're closing in on announcing to the team 😳
> 
> Now let's talk stats for a minute
> 
> the death info reid uses at the start of the chapter is from the cdc (there's a lot of different figures thrown around for those, so i figured the cdc is a safe bet)
> 
> next, it is surprisingly hard to find water temperature data for rivers, but i managed it
> 
> using data from elk river in tennessee from march 2020, late march river temps are around 50-60 degrees fahrenheit, hovering at the higher end (https://waterdata.usgs.gov/nwis/dv?cb_00010=on&cb_00011=on&cb_00045=on&cb_00060=on&format=gif_default&site_no=03582000&referred_module=qw&period=&begin_date=2020-03-01&end_date=2020-03-31)
> 
> minnesota sea grant (part of NOAA) estimates a person can stay conscious for 1-2 hours in 50-60 degree water (http://www.seagrant.umn.edu/coastal_communities/hypothermia)
> 
> and finally a note on river safety lol- im not a professional so please dont listen to me but i have a decent amount of outdoor experience. if you fall into a river, try to float with your feet down stream and stay in a relaxed position (butt down, legs bent, head above water), use your feet to kick away from rocks because if you get torn up by one, your odds of survival aren't great. Try not to stick any of your body very far below the surface, in case there are rocks under the surface. pls dont accidentally wedge your foot in a rock and drown
> 
> clothing wont weigh you down while you're actually swimming, but it will when you get out of the water. If you ever get into a cold water scenario and somehow get to chose to keep or toss your clothing- you should probably keep it. It could trap some water close to your body and hold a bit of heat. more importantly, clothing can sometimes be made into flotation devices (i have never tried it but apparently pants are good for this???) but MOST IMPORTANTLY keep your shoes on, again for protection from rocks, some ppl have suggested that if you're going to be in the water briefly, strip so you have dry clothes to get into, but if you won't be able to get out of the water or back to your starting point, it doesn't really matter  
> "I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all." Kurt Vonnegut


	21. Chapter 21

When you get to the office that afternoon, one thing becomes clear: the nurses thought Reid was cute. He stepped out for a minute to take a call from Hotch and the nurse was all over asking where you found him.

You thought about using the “on the steps of the FBI” bit that Rossi loved to use, but you didn’t think he was up for that.

“Work.” you tell him honestly.”

“They don't hire men like that here.” he snorts.

“We’re lucky to have him on our team.” You say, adding “I’m lucky to have him.”

Reid returns just as the nurse leaves.

“Hey, what did Hotch want?” you ask.

“Just asking how I’m feeling. Well, that and he’s making me get another physical before I’m cleared for the field again.”

“So I’ve got thirty seconds before he calls me?”

“More like fifteen.”

Your cell rings within ten seconds. You tell Hotch you’re at an appointment currently. He makes you promise to get a copy of your chart, which you agree to and silently hope he’s not going to make you jump through any hoops to get back into the field. 

The doctor who was on call does a full comparison from your last visit and declares you good to go after she chews you out for needing to gain more weight each week(throwing up most of what you eat is apparently not an excuse). You tuck the print out of the nurse and doctor’s notes into your bag and head home. 

You and Reid go separate ways for the evening and you head inside your apartment to fall into a nap. You wake up at 6:30 to Reid shaking your shoulder.

“Hey, have you eaten yet?” 

You flop back down into your pillows. 

“Spencer, I’m just barely under the target weight gain. I’m perfectly fine.”

You swing your legs over the edge of the bed and stand. Grabbing Reid’s hand, you pull up your top and place his hand on your lower stomach. 

You had planned on making a snarky comment, but realizing this was the first time he was feeling your tiny bump, you settle for saying “She’s doing just fine.”

“Just promise me you’ll make sure you’re eating enough, okay?” his voice is a bit hushed, given how close the two of you are standing. He keeps his hand where you placed it, even stroking his thumb along your bump.

It occurs to you that you’ve got an appetite for something else entirely.

You turn your head up to look into his eyes as he puts his other hand on your waist. You move one of yours hands on top of his on your stomach. Your sharp inhale when his hand flexes a little under yours gives you away. He leans into you and your lips meet. You grab onto the collar of his shirt and bring him down onto your bed with you. Your lips find his neck as you start to unbutton his shirt. 

That’s when you realize you’ve got no plan.

“This isn’t what we agreed to.” you say breathlessly, pulling back.

He looks a little dazed from your hard work, but when he snaps back to reality, he swallows thickly and replies “No, this wasn’t the plan.”

Neither of you move.

“An oxytocin release is good for the baby.” you prompt, unwillingly to shut this down, no matter how many times your brain screams that this isn’t what friends do.

“Do you own a vibrator?” he asks, in a similarly out of breath tone.

Hoping he isn’t about to tell you to deal with yourself, you tell him “second drawer from the top”, nodding to your nightstand. 

He leans over to open the drawer, and it takes him a moment to find it at the back of the drawer. The hyper realistic ones have always wigged you out, and now that Spencer Reid is holding your vibrator, you’re particularly glad you went with the least phallic looking that you could find- just a smooth, mint green exterior. 

He sits up and starts to get himself out of his clothes, raising his brows at you, asking you to do the same. You only feel a little smug seeing that he’s already half hard from kissing you. 

Reid lays on his back, slightly propped up by your pillows.

“Come ‘ere” he waves you over. His hands on your hips guide you to straddle just above his hips.

“Lay back, I got you.” he says, and you follow suit. You have to lean you head to the side a bit to fall back onto his shoulder, but after a moment of adjusting, you’re laid out on your back on top of him comfortably. 

He starts with just his hands, teasing your tits that have started to get more sensitive (unfairly early, in your opinion-not that your body will listen). From there, his left hand rests along the outer curve of your bump. His right finds your clit. He takes his time there, and it's an interesting combination of teasing and relaxing. It’s sexy, but also comforting, to be held like this. 

After a minute, he pauses to confirm that you’re alright, as if you hadn’t been moaning along. With your confirmation, he briefly moves his hands to your hips and pulls you further up, so that your neck and shoulder are accessible to him. It's a display of the strength he’s developed over time at the BAU and you’re all for it, feeling a fluttering in your lower stomach that doesn’t have a shot in hell of being your baby moving. 

He kisses along your neck, even sinking a bite into your shoulder. By the time he bites, he’s full on rubbing your clit with slow circles. 

You’d almost forgotten the vibrator at the point when you hear the tiniest buzz click on. 

“Tell if there’s something you want me to do differently.” you nod in confirmation, knowing your words would come out a bit shaky now.

It’s odd to have somebody else use your vibrator on you. There’s only so much experimenting you do with it once you find what works, so experiencing the various settings all over again with him in charge is more fun than you’d expected. 

Once he figures out the setting that gets you moaning and starts applying pressure to your clit, you both know it's only a matter of time. His attention goes to the sensitive skin below and behind your ear. Your orgasm rolls through you before long. 

After, you sit up a bit. From your spot on top, you hadn’t been able to see his dick, but now you know he was rock hard from getting you off. Since he’s nearly there, you don’t bother trying to switch things up. Using your own slick, you lean forward and use your hands to spread it on his cock. You pause for a moment to find where he’s still got the vibrator in his hand. You turn it to the lowest setting. You warm up for a moment, sliding one hand up and down his shaft before cautiously teasing the head with the vibrator. He cums moments later with a moan you wish you had an eidetic memory for.

You both bask in the post orgasm feeling for a minute. Then, you climb off of him and find a hair tie on your dresser. 

Beginning to put yourself back together, you turn to where he is still lying on your bed, looking fucked out.

“So, what were you thinking for dinner?” you grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here, i have written smut for you all as an apology for scaring you all with the last few chapters. also because the next few chapters are going to be bumpy.
> 
> i had so much to say here. i had statistics about vibrators;. i had thoughts and i even had feelings but i am going to be real with you all its a saturday night and i had some white wine and i longer believe words exist. i love u all my beautiful babes ty for 2k i shall see u all tomorrow maybe unless my differential eq homework is really hard in which case ill see u on monday i think
> 
> mwah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> EDIT: well its sunday and im sober now. my vibrator statistic is that 53% of women between 18 and 60 have used one! im all for it lol i bought another at the start of quarantine it and has served honorably   
> much like the end of an episode, id like to put a quote here  
> "My love for you is 98 percent pure, but the two percent that remains has fried the circuits in my brain." -The Mountain Goats


	22. Chapter 22

In the morning, you wake up a half hour early from your nerves. It’s still plenty dark out, but you can’t lay still. Giving up, you shove your covers off and search for your robe, craving another layer against the cool air of the room. You waste as much time as you can, showering, doing your hair, and even making an actual breakfast for yourself. 

Eventually you have to give in and go to the office. Hotch is, of course, already there when you arrive. You shrug off your jacket at your desk and head up to his office. 

“Have a seat.” he greets you. 

You fish your paper work out of your bag and hand it over. You squirm a little in your chair as he takes the time to genuinely read through the information. 

His eyes flicker up from the page.

“Seems like everything looks good, how are you feeling?”

“Good, I’m good. A little sore, still.” you add the final bit in what you hope is a lighthearted tone. 

In his quick, serious tone, he begins again. “I shouldn’t have sent you out to search for an unsub. It was a mistake you could have paid dearly for. We can pull you from the field entirely, or we could just restrict your field work further. What do you think?”

You take a moment to think. You hadn’t expected him to give you so much of a choice, let along to say that he was wrong. You nervously shift in your chair.

“I think we should restrict my field work from any situations that risk contact with an unsub. Interviews, crime scene visits, delivering profiles, that sort of stuff- that’s alright.”

He gives you a curt nod. 

You drop some of the formality.

“Hotch, I’m almost eleven weeks along. I’m going to announce to the team next week. That should make organizing field work go a little smoother.” You hold eye contact with him. “I appreciate that you’ve kept this private.”

“Of course.” He reeks of sincerity. You would never be bold enough to think he’s getting a soft spot for you, but sometimes you wonder if losing out on so much time with Jack makes him cut JJ some slack, and now possibly you, too.

You could leave now. It’s an entirely appropriate break in the meeting. But it’s going to come out sooner or later. Might as well start now.

“There’s another thing you should know.” you avoid his gaze now, instead looking past Hotch to stare at some of the photos on the shelves behind him. “Spencer is the father. It’s sort of a donor situation- I mean, it was planned. He wants to be active in the kid’s life, but we’re not really “together”.” you finish. You can feel your face and chest getting red. 

You bite the bullet and look at his face. He’s completely lost his usual scowl, trading it for perfect neutrality-but you know better. For Hotch, neutrality is surprise.

“That’s unconventional.” he says in an even tone.

“Yes.” you respond, mostly just to fill the silence.

“You should know Strauss will probably be involved when we coordinate your leave. Losing two agents at once will spread us thin.” You can see the gears working in his head. 

“Reid and I haven’t finalized any plan for when we return to work. The four of us can work that out.” you try to slow down his thoughts before he asks questions you can’t answer. 

“Unofficially, what’s your plan?”

Here we go. You’re going to get fired for Reid’s idea and he’s not even here.

“Reid has suggested alternating which of us travel. The other would work with Garcia and take on whatever else will streamline cases.”

Hotch doesn’t speak, so you try to backpedal. “That’s just something he mentioned. I know I signed on to be a full time field agent. If that’s what you need from me, then that’s what you need.”

The gears move in his head again. He stares down at his folded hands on his desk. “It could work. After you announce, we can meet with JJ and Garcia about what sort of support they might need.” He pauses and lowers his voice a touch, “I’m telling you this in an unofficial capacity: I think we can make that work.”.

A bit of the weight on your shoulders has been lifted. In the two years that you had been here, you’d become comfortable enough with Hotch so that you didn’t feel like you had to prove yourself anymore, but still you valued his opinion and this is the first time he’s really learned anything about your life beyond work. If he’d been angry with you for putting your personal life ahead of work for a bit, you’d have been devastated. You loved this job and this team. Losing either one would flip your life upside down, in the worst way. In a way where all the good things would get dumped out on the floor.

Without realizing it, you’ve become a little bit choked up, so that your “Thank you.” comes out a little too weak sounding for your taste. At least it was honest. You grab your bag and stand up to leave, when Hotch speaks again.

“Y/n, when Reid started here Gideon and I kept asking him to take vacation time. He wouldn’t do it- he said he liked being busy here. You do good work for this team, and Reid deserves to step back a bit, build up a life beyond just the BAU. Whatever it takes, this team is going to make it work for you two.”

You don’t know if it’s truly your emotions or just the pregnancy hormones, but your eyes are suddenly wetter than before. You don’t take any chances speaking, just nod at him with a small smile and wipe at your eyes. You can’t walk out of this office crying or the team will go nuts trying to figure out what’s going on.

After composing yourself, you push open the door and step out to overlook the bullpen. It’s buzzing with activity, and as Hotch’s words sink in, you’re feeling particularly optimistic about the day ahead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to keep you guys waiting!!! my diff eq class just wrapped up yesterday and the last leg of it was a bit rough. I had a math induced stress headache this morning but after taking pain meds and reminding myself i never have to take a math class again, im feeling pretty good lol  
> ps- ch 23 will be up tonight or tomorrow ;)  
> “What is home? My favorite definition is "a safe place," a place where one is free from attack, a place where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation. It's a place where people share and understand each other. Its relationships are nurturing. The people in it do not need to be perfect; instead, they need to be honest, loving, supportive" -Gladys Hunt


	23. Chapter 23

Week eleven came and went. Week twelve came, and on the thursday of that week, you caught JJ staring at you with an odd look on her face. You didn’t realize why until you caught yourself in the bathroom mirror later. It’s mid april, so you’ve finally ditched the layers. Today you’ve gone with black slacks and a solid light blue blouse- no patterns, no ruffles, no funny business. Without any distractions, it's easy to see that your top doesn’t fit like normal. Of course JJ would be the first to notice that it's not a normal weight gain. She managed to hide her pregnancy into her second trimester, so clearly she was far better at it than you. 

You had planned to announce this week anyways, but when it came time to actually decide how to do it, every option just sounded flat out awkward. You didn’t want to tell everybody at once, or individually. You considered telling just JJ and Garcia and letting gossip spread, but that would probably just make the whole baby-daddy-reid part even more confusing. 

But now you were starting to truly show. Not only that, but you were lucky you hadn’t gotten a new case yet. The odds were you would be getting one soon, and you really didn’t want to be stuck on a plane telling everybody. 

When people start to break for lunch, you shoot Spencer a text telling him not to leave yet. Once Prentiss finally wanders off, you walk about to Reid’s desk and lean back against it, putting your palms on the top of the desk.

“Hey.” he smiles up at you.

You smile back. After taking a second to make sure the team isn’t around, you take a deep breath.

“I think JJ knows.”

“What makes you say that?”

“She was giving me a weird look earlier, and I think this top sort of shows it.” His eyes flicker down to your bump briefly.

“Has she brought it up?”

“Not yet.”

“Maybe she didn’t actually notice anything? Sometimes people make faces when they're lost in thought.” he offers.

“Even if she didn’t, I’m twelve weeks along. We should probably tell people before the next case.” You run a hand through your hair. “I have no idea how.”

“What about an email?”

“You want me to email the people we consider family to tell them we’re having a baby? You don’t even have an email, Spencer.”

“It’s less awkward than us going around and telling everybody together, isn’t it? We can just sign it from both of us.”

“You’re ready for everybody to know the full story?” you ask.

“It’s good news. I want people to know.” he confirms.

You spend most of your afternoon mulling over it while you finish logging recent consulting cases. Eventually, you decide to bite the bullet and type it out. 

“SUBJECT: Addition to the team

Hi all- 

Hotch has given me the green light to announce we’re going to take on a new recruit later this year. We expect her to start on November 6th, give or take a few weeks. She would set a record for the youngest member to join the team, but Henry has beaten her to it. Reid and I are both taking time off of the unit to train her, and we’ll have more details closer to her arrival. 

Looking forward to sharing more with you,

Y/n and Spencer.”

There. It’s not overly cutesy, but it’s still got some life in it. You’re certain Garcia will have plenty to say about it, so there’s really no need to go overboard with details.

“Hey Reid, got a minute to proof something for me?”

Prentiss looks up from her computer. “I got it, just send it over.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to bother you.”

“It’s really not a-”

Reid finally jumps in. “I got it, Emily.”

From over your shoulder, he reads your statement. 

“I think it looks perfect.”

“Yeah?” you grin at him.

Prentiss stops again. “How the hell did you write something that pretty boy couldn’t find a flaw in.”

You bite your tongue to stop yourself from laughing and give her a smile and a shrug. You schedule it to send at 5:01, so that Hotch technically couldn’t get mad over it being a distraction.

You finally get into a groove for the day, and it actually manages to slip your mind until Emily calls your name.

“We’re getting somebody new? Why isn’t Hotch announcing it?”

“Did you read it?” you ask.

“Not yet. You’re not gonna tell me…?” she prompts.

Luckily, you don’t have to answer that, since Garcia comes sprinting into the bullpen. 

“You’re pregnant?!” She practically screams.

You watch Prentiss’s jaw drop before you turn to face Garcia. 

“Oh, get out of that chair. You _know_ I’m going to hug you.” Complying, you stand up to give her a hug. Prentiss is up too, waiting for her turn to hug you. 

“November...Oh. My. God. We’re getting another Scorpio!” Garcia gushes from next to your year.

“Do you really know everybody’s zodiacs?” you ask, pulling back to accept Prentiss’s congratulations and hug.

“Sun, moon, and rising. I’ve got the rest of the charts on my computer, though. And you, Doctor Reid!” She hugs him, too. “I bet you’re excited about the new title.”

Prentiss is shook up for the second time that day. Grabbing your arm, she lowers her voice.

“You went through with the original plan?”

“This is why you should read the email first and ask questions later.” you tease. 

Morgan strolls back to his desk from wherever the hell he’s been.

“What’s got you guys wound up?” he asks. 

“We’re gonna be godparents, my love. Y/n and Reid are having a baby.” Garcia reports.

Morgan’s eyebrows shoot up.

“I’m due in early November.” you offer, trying to snap him out of his surprise.

“Congrats, baby.” he gives you a hug, though shock is still clear on his face.

After, he turns to Reid. 

“You’re the…?” Reid nods, and Morgan’s face relaxes. “I’m happy for you, man. Congrats.”

Given the whole no hand shakes, you didn’t really expect Reid to initiate physical contact, but he lurches in to hug Morgan. Clearly, family is an exception.

You were too caught up in the excitement to notice Rossi and Hotch hanging over the railing overlooking the bullpen and watching the group. When the initial excitement is over and the group settles into chatting, they make their way down to the floor. Hotch nods and smiles at you and Rossi, already filled in by Hotch, kisses your cheek. Rossi also puts his hands on either side of Reid’s face and pulls him down to kiss his cheek too, mostly to get a rise out of him. Reid’s look of panic gets everybody laughing again. 

Finally, JJ is drawn out of her office. She’s smiling at you, but it’s mixed with the weird look she’d given you earlier. She hugs you both before the look returns to her face.

“Do you wanna get lunch tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure.” you agree, trying to shove down any discomfort over her reaction.

Everybody sticks around to confirm your due date and the sex of the baby, and then the group starts to break up. Garcia doesn’t leave without promising to send you a list of baby names she likes without any unsub or victim names on the list. You stay for a while longer to finish up the work you couldn’t focus on earlier. 

When you finally head home, you end up in the elevator with Anderson.

“Congratulations.” He tells you when the doors close.

“Thanks. Has Garcia been spreading the news?”

Anderson looks at his feet. “No, you guys are, just, sort of loud.” he says.

“Sorry about that.” You tell him with a slight laugh and red face, but he shrugs it off, telling you good news is always welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is technically late, I don't have a good reason but i did make some earrings today while watching season 7 and it was a good time
> 
> some notes-
> 
> the only confirmed birthdays (and zodiacs) i could find are:
> 
> David Rossi - May 9, 1956 taurus
> 
> Emily Prentiss - October 12, 1970 libra
> 
> Aaron Hotchner - November 2, 1971 scorpio
> 
> Derek Morgan - June 6, 1973 gemini  
> Spencer Reid - October 28, 1981 scorpio
> 
> also i genuinely do not know how people go about pregnancy announcements to coworkers and like 90% of the ones i saw online were too much for me so i sorta swiped this lady's http://manager-to-mom.blogspot.com/2010/09/pregnancy-timeline-second-trimester.html (my own version obvs)
> 
> finally: i have strong feelings about emails. i love email for many reasons. as a college student, i thrive on emails. i know the show says he hates tech but i like to think reid warms up to email once he finds out that most authors of textbooks and research papers have public emails and he can send his thoughts.  
> have a good weekend <3  
> "I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.” Kurt Vonnegut


	24. Chapter 24

On the drive home, you can’t get JJ out of your head. Your hands actually hurt by the time you pulled into your parking spot from how hard you were holding the wheel. She and Reid had always been close, so you figured talking to him was your best bet to figure out what’s going on in her mind. 

You let yourself into his apartment, but he is nowhere to be found. You kick off your boots by the door and settle down onto his couch- the first trimester fatigue wasn’t totally gone yet, so a nap was in order. You knew it was probably the hormones speaking, but recently you seemed to sleep better when Spencer was around. His apartment was a poor substitute, but at least it smelled like him. 

You woke up to somebody’s face in front of yours. All that self defense training from your college days kicked in and you struck out with your arm, slamming the heels of your palm into the person’s nose. You sat up and got ready to shove yourself on top of them and strike again when you heard Reid’s voice.

“It’s just me!” he complained from his spot on the rug in front of you. 

You scrambled to turn on the light beside you. Sure enough, you had given Reid a bloody nose.

“Oh, shit, fuck. Sorry, Reid. I think I’ve got tissues in my bag.” You stand up and reach a hand to him to help him up. 

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t get me that bad.” he raises his hand beneath his nose and inspects the drops of blood.

“You could at least fuel my ego a little.” you complain, heading for your purse anyways.

“You didn’t have enough room to get a good hit in. You can’t be surprised that you didn’t break my nose.” he points out.

“It was good enough to knock you on your ass.” you say under your breath.

He snorts at that. “What’re you up to?”

“Wanted to talk to you, so I figured I’d just nap until you got back. Didn’t think it’d be after sunset.” you dab at the blood on his face.

“Is everything alright?” God, he’s pretty when he looks up at you with those eyes.

“Spencer, if something was wrong I wouldn’t wait around in your apartment to tell you.”

“But something’s bothering you.” 

“I know I’m a profiler too, but damn we’re irritating.” you throw away the bloody tissue and flop down on his couch again.

You don’t speak, so Reid points out “Everybody was excited today. Work will get easier now that the team knows. You mentioned the morning sickness was getting better.”

You can’t help but bring it up. “Did you get to talk to JJ today?”

“A little- she told me congrats but that’s really all we got to talk about.”

You lower your voice a bit and turn to look over the back of the couch and face where he’s at the door, toeing off his shoes. “Did she seem off to you?”

“No?” he moves to the kitchen and gets a glass.

“Huh.” you push off of the back to sit normally on the couch again.

He brings two glasses of water over and sits on the opposite side of the couch, but turning sideways.

“Spit it out, y/n.”

“She just kept looking at me weird. She wants to have lunch tomorrow-with just me.”

“What’d you say?”

“It’s not like I could say no. I’m gonna hear her out.”

“Y/n, how do you know she needs you to hear her out? Maybe she just wants to give you advice, or maybe it’s not about the baby at all.”

“Reid, I didn’t tell you this before, but before I decided to go through with this, I floated it past Penelope, Emily, and JJ. JJ gave me the most push back about it.”

He frowns. “What did she say?”

You hesitate. If you tell him she thought it was a bad idea, he might talk to her about it, and knowing JJ, she’d probably want to argue her side. She had a right to, but her competitive streak from school had never really left her and if you weren’t careful, she could run literal and logical laps around you. She and Reid weren’t a pair you’d want to watch in an argument. Maybe she’d agree with his point of view, or maybe she’d convince him he made a mistake. 

Despite the morning sickness subsiding, that thought made you want to puke. 

“I think she just worries that we’re rushing into this.” you say lamely. 

“Sort of hypocritical for her to-” his voice raises in pitch, giving away the emotion.

“Spencer.” you cut him off. “You know she means well. Pointing out that Henry wasn’t planned isn’t going to do anything but hurt her.” That’s the last thing you want- to be the reason behind their fight. Reid should know better than to drag JJ and Will’s relationship into this.

He  _ should _ . Back when you had joined the team, Peneople had filled you in on JJ and Reid’s history. It seemed like history. Reid never looked at JJ with anything other than platonic love in his eyes, but there had been some moments when you thought you caught JJ worrying a bit too much over him, her eyes lingering a bit too long on him. When Will first came to D.C., you thought JJ’s awkward behavior around him was because she was nervous to introduce him to the team. But a year, she still didn’t act completely herself with him and the team. When you say them at home, they were like any other couple, but something about the group made her uncomfortable. Maybe she hadn’t gotten over Reid after all. If she still had a crush on Reid, it would make sense that she hated bringing Will around him. 

Did Reid somehow not realize that JJ didn’t like Will and Reid being around each other? If Reid made her feel insecure about her relationship, she would probably have a legendary meltdown trying to cope with Reid poking at the holes between the two.

You didn’t know what JJ wanted to talk about, but you knew one thing.

You absolutely could not let Reid find out if JJ was unsupportive. 

You would rather wait out her frostiness until she comes to peace with it, no matter how long it takes. You can’t be the reason Spencer loses one of his best friends. 

“I’m just overthinking things.” you assure him. “I’ll let you know how the lunch goes, okay?”

A bit faster than necessary, you gather your stuff and head out, making idle chit chat to Reid the entire time so that he doesn’t mention JJ again. 

You went straight to the elevator and to the first floor. If Reid wasn’t going to be helpful, you know somebody who would. 

You wait until you start your car and leave it idling while you call from the front seat.

The call is picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, babe and baby. What’s up?”

“Hey, Penny.” you smile at her voice. “You busy tonight?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for reading!!!!!!
> 
> writing has been good for working off my nerves lately lol im supposed to move into my dorm on the 20th and im nervous about going and also about staying home but im just trying to get through it day by day (sometimes minute by minute)
> 
> This wasn't supposed to be its own ch, but it got long so here ya go! the next ch will prob be up tonight bc as soon as I post it im going to go back to writing
> 
> also i promise JJ isn't going to be the antagonist in this story but you cant tell me that reid will and JJ have the weirdest energy so im trying to fix that in this story and we have got to start somewhere lol
> 
> "People say friends don't destroy one another; what do they know about friends?" -The Mountain Goats


	25. Chapter 25

“Sorta, I’m repainting my bedroom. What’s going on?”

“I really need to talk- I can give you a hand?” you offer.

Her voice is softer when she responds. “Come on over. I’ll leave the door unlocked so you can just come in, alright?”

You’re ridiculously relieved at her response. You don’t waste any time throwing your car into drive and taking off, making it to her door in under twenty minutes. 

You’ve been to Garcia’s apartment plenty of times, but it never fails to amaze you. It’s full of exposed brick and the pinks and blues that compliment it. The parts of the walls with drywall are packed with photos and knicknacks. You pause for a moment to look at the photos beside the door, the last thing she sees before she leaves for the day. It’s a black and white frame with pictures of the team. There’s one of Morgan that must be from 2004 with how dated it looks, and he’s sitting on top of his desk, laughing at the camera- no doubt he was really laughing at Garcia pulling out a camera in the middle of a conversation. Another shows Reid blowing out birthday candles on a cake with two melting candles reading “24”. You must have 23 when that picture was taken. Somewhere, he was celebrating his birthday with your future family and you were probably writing a paper for your master’s. It’s weird to think that the team existed without you, but also comforting. It’s nice to be a part of something bigger than yourself. Another shows JJ throwing darts at a bar in the lowest cut pair of 2000’s jeans you’ve ever seen. She isn’t looking at the camera, but at the board with her steely focus. Another shows Gideon and Hotch both turned and giving small smiles to the camera while a black and white movie is projected against the office wall. One shows Elle, who left the team only months before you joined, leaning over Garcia’s kitchen counter, propping her head up with her fist on her chin. The palate of the kitchen includes a hell of a lot more lime green than it does now. There’s one that’s clearly taken with flash, lighting JJ and Emily as they push through a door that shows blue and purple lights behind it- a girls night, and by the drunk look on their faces, it must be the end of the night. There’s one of Rossi on the jet, covering half of his face with a paperback and raising an eyebrow dramatically over the top as he peaks at Garcia. The last in the set shows you, laughing with your eyes shut tight, as Morgan holds both of your hands and playfully pulls you along with his back to the camera. In the background, you can see Emily and JJ laughing too. You remember that afternoon- it was your birthday last year and you were going to stay late at work. The entire team begged you to go out with them and you gave in after they herded you away from your desk. 

The other walls include some snaps of the team, but there are plenty of people you don't recognize. Your heart aches, seeing how much joy she shares with so many people. One of the kitchen walls displays a frame dedicated to only one photo, larger than a standard photo size. It shows JJ, Will, Henry, Penelope, and Spencer. They’re sitting on JJ’s front porch, all wrapped up tight against the late november cold, and the winter sun beats down on them. 

“I thought I heard something.” She says, poking her head out from her bedroom doorway. 

“Hey,” you smile. “Sorry, I always get caught up looking at your stuff. These photos are beautiful, Penny. And the one from my birthday is new! I didn’t know that photo existed.”

“I know I got caught by the FBI, but I am fairly sneaky still.” she winks at you. “Come on in, do you need water or anything?”

You shake your head and toss your bag on the bench by the door. You walk into her bedroom, which is half painted the palest shade of mint that you’ve ever seen.

“Never thought I’d see you pick a soft color.” you tease.

“It’s supposed to be calming. Apparently staring at a screen all day isn’t good for your eyes, so this is my compromise. Soothing colors and I swore to my optometrist that I wouldn’t bring any screens in here.”

“Does he know you spend about a quarter of your time staying up late at work on a screen anyways?”

She frowns. “That’s why he’s making me get new glasses with a blue light filter. But!” she perks up. “This is a great excuse to redo my apartment and possibly my look- depending on how my new frames go with my closet.”

“You’ll never let go of anything in your closet, let’s be real.” you tease.

“Speaking of clothes- you’re not going to paint in your work outfit, are you?”

“Why not?”

She gestures at herself. You probably should have realized before now that she’s covered in streaks of paint, from her ponytail, to her FBI t-shirt, to her checker patterned socks. 

She yanks the plastic covering her furniture away and slides a wooden drawer open. She tosses a t-shirt and pair of shorts to you. You look at the top.

“When did you go to Glenwood Springs?”

“Never. One of my stepbrothers lives out there, he sent it to me.”

“Are you sure I can get paint on it?”

She shrugs. “He sends me one every christmas. Be my guest.”

You strip to your underwear in the doorway and throw on her clothes. You fold your work outfit and set them in the hallway, away from the potential splash zone. 

Armed with a roller, you start on the larger sections of the wall while Garcia tapes off the moulding. You work for a bit to the sounds of pop blasting through the speakers plugged into the already painted wall. It’s calming, enough that you almost forget why you came here.

“You know I love you and that you’re always welcome here- but can I ask why you needed to talk tonight?”

You pause your rolling and glance at her. She’s still peering at the corners she’s taping, so you take a deep breath.

“I’m really worried that JJ is upset with me.”

Immediately, Garcia is cooing “Oh, baby, it’ll be alright. What happened?”

Another deep breath. “When I told her I was thinking about having a baby with Reid, she gave me a hard time about how Reid wasn’t marriage material and I’d get left behind. She thought I should wait for somebody I want to marry. She just seemed off today and she wants to have lunch tomorrow.”

“What do you think she’s upset about?” Garcia prompts in a judgement free tone.

You wipe at your brow with your forearm and smudge paint on your face. 

“I think she’s mad that I didn’t get her permission before I got pregnant.”

“That’s her problem now, isn’t it? You don’t need her approval to do things and she’ll have to learn to cope with that.”

“I don’t want her to learn that. I just wish she already knew that. I tried to talk to Reid about it and now he wants to talk to JJ. If they start fighting, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“Why would she and Reid fight?”

You sit down on the floor and roll your paint roller against the foil tray on the hardwood. “Penny, do you ever get the feeling like Jayge still has a thing for Spencer?”

Now her focus is completely on you, roll of tape forgotten on the window sill.

Slowly and carefully, she tells you “She loves Will. I don’t think JJ wants to marry Reid, but I think she doesn’t want him with anyone else.” She shrugs, “People hate change. JJ has probably thought of Reid as an option for her since he started at the BAU. Now he’s off the table, and JJ is blaming you for that. It’s scary to lose a safety net, no matter how much you don’t need it or how unfair it is to keep it.” 

“I’m not taking him off the market.” you mumble.

“You’re not?” Garcia raises an eyebrow at you.

You forget the roller entirely. Rubbing your face with your hands, you explain that you’re sticking with the “friends with kids” plan. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure, Penny.”

“If he said he wanted a relationship with you, what would you say?”

You hesitate. “I don’t know. We slept together last week.”

“What?” she gasps.

“I don’t know! My sex drive is back now and I’ve got all these hormones and my stupid body just  _ reacts  _ to him.”

“Well, then what?”

“What do you mean? We slept together. I told you that.”

“No, I mean  _ after _ . You’ve obviously spoken since last week.”

“We got Thai food and didn’t talk about it.”

“You didn’t?”

“What did you want me to say?”

“How about  _ “you’re my best friend and we have sexual chemistry and I’m bearing your spawn so how about we get married?” _ ’

“I am not going to  _ marry  _ him, Garcia.”

“Why not?”

“JJ was shocked that he wanted a kid with me- she said he could never let another person in enough to get married.” you say miserably.

Garcia throws her hands up. “Forget about whatever JJ said. She’s biased, we’ve established that. Why aren’t you going after him?”

“What if things change? What if we change? What if he stops acting like my best friend and then we break up and I have to leave the BAU and I don’t have anybody-” 

She sits down on the floor in front of you, and you’re fairly certain that she got paint all over the back of her shirt when she crouched down. Her hands sit on your shoulders.

“Y/n, slow down. You can take things as slow as you need to, but I think that if you want to be with him, you need to start believing that it’s possible. If things change, you can back out, no hard feelings. You can just be friends with a baby. But don’t you owe yourself a chance with your best friend? If it goes horribly, you know our team would never let you get kicked out over something like a break up. If anything, they’d kick the genius out.”

By now, you’re teary. Sniffing you tell her “They’d never kick him out.”

“Fine, they wouldn’t. But they would lock him in an office with me and just patch him in when they have questions. Hotch wouldn’t let you leave the team just because Reid can’t be civil. He’d much rather pull Reid from the field.”

You nod and think for a minute.

“What do I tell JJ tomorrow?”

“Depends on what she says to you. Just be honest and stand your ground. It’s your life and your decision. I know it sucks now, but she’ll come around.”

“Thank you.” you sniffle again. You desperately needed her words.

She pulls her hands from your shoulders to your cheeks and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Anything for you, my love. But right now, you owe me some manual labor.” She rescues the roller from it’s minty, watery grave. “Ready?”

You take the roller from her. “I’m ready if you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have any technical notes, but here are some thoughts
> 
> *right now, I'm sleeping in my teenagehood bedroom, which is, in fact, painted the palest mint green I could find
> 
> *My dad had a major photography hobby when I was a kid, so the house I lived in front birth-17 had literally hundred of photos on the walls and I miss it so much in the new house. everybody who came to my door always mentioned my giant photo wall. at this point its like my love language lol, filling my space with pictures of ppl that i love. i like to think garcia, with her office and closet of cheerful things, would think similarly
> 
> *if you're in love w your best friend good luck lol bc this shit is rough
> 
> I have a playlist for this story, maybe at some point ill make it public if yall are interested???
> 
> also happy tuesday!!!!! mwah  
> "We don’t learn to love in a linear path, from self to family to friends to spouse, as we might have been taught. We learn to love by loving. We practice with each other, on ourselves, in all kinds of relationships." Adrienne Maree Brown


	26. Chapter 26

Seeing Garcia was exactly what you needed. The two of you would alternate between peacefully painting until one of you would say something and you’d devolve into crying laughter. 

You wrapped up around ten, and despite begging Garcia to sleep at your apartment instead of on her couch, you headed home alone afterwards after a hug and a promise from her that everything would be okay.

On your way into the office, you run into Will stepping out of the elevator, holding Henry.

“Hey.” you smile at him. “Whacha doing here?”

“JJ had car trouble this morning, so me and the little guy drove her here and then we went up to say hello.”

“Well, hello.” you say, shaking Henry’s tiny baby hand.

“I heard the good news. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” you tell him earnestly. “She’ll be a little under a year apart from Henry.”

“Let’s hope they get along.” he jokes. 

“Have a good day, you two.” you tell them, getting onto the elevator. Will convinces Henry to wave to you and you give him a big wave back as the doors slide shut.

The atmosphere is frosty when you step off the elevator. You set your bag by your desk and head straight for Morgan’s desk, where most of the team is clustered.

“Hey, guys.” you greet.

Emily leans in towards you. “We’ve got a case. Apparently Hotch has a history with it.”

Garcia and JJ are dishing out everything they know to the team. Garcia mentions finding a newspaper article for Hotch that he said had something to do with the Boston Reaper, but he wouldn’t talk about it further. JJ says Hotch asked her to look for odd homicides in Boston. 

Her voice lowers as she says “We haven’t been invited, but he’s already decided we’re going.”

Rossi strolls through the door. Looking up from his phone, he tells the group “Just got a text from Hotch. Conference room in ten.”. He doesn’t stop for questions, he just swaggers on to his office. 

The last person to arrive is Reid. He too joins the group, standing directly next to you. After a moment. His hand comes to rest on the middle of your back. You allow yourself a moment to check out of the conversation and to enjoy the gesture of support. 

“Alright, we need to be up there in two.” Morgan breaks up the discussion. 

You stop by your desk to dig through your bag and get a notepad and your cell. Prentiss is close behind you, heading to her own desk. 

“Ever had a cat?” she asks you while rummaging through her drawers. 

“You’re thinking about getting a cat?”

“I’m thinking about fostering one.”

On the walk up to the conference room, she shows you a photo of a tiny black kitten, which you both coo over.

Then you’re back to the frosty feeling. Hotch is already standing up by the projector while you filter in. His arms are crossed and he looks more tired than usual. 

Hotch explains the passing of the lead detective on the case and the deal he struck with the unsub. Hotch is clearly furious about the lack of integrity from the detective and the fact that he never got to build a true profile for the case. 

“Wheels up in ten.” he says on his way out.

The day is fast paced and miserable. You and Morgan head straight to the medical examiner before you get stuck at the station fielding calls from the media and trying to dig out the old reaper files. JJ is by your side for the day, but you’re too swamped to talk about anything other than the case.

Hotch clears you to go to the hotel around 9pm. You know you need the sleep but knowing that there’s an unsub that has a personal vendetta against Hotch is keeping you up. You send Reid a text asking him to let you know when he gets back. 

Your phone pings with his response just as you get out of the shower and into your pajamas. 

You haul the heavy hotel room door open. 

“Hey.” he greets you softly.

“Come on in.” you let him past you.

You make a little bit of chit chat about how you’re feeling, even though nothing has changed during the day. You need the normalcy of small talk. When the conversation winds down, you blurt it out.

“Would you stay with me tonight?” Really, that’s why you asked him here in the first place. This case felt way too personal to sleep alone, even if your team was just across the hall.

“I was gonna ask the same thing.” he gives you a small smile. “Go ahead and lie down. I’ll get in after I shower.”

You pick a side and grab half of the pillows for yourself. Reid clicks off all of the lights but one before he grabs your room key and slips out. 

You haven’t actually managed to fall asleep by the time he returns, but he seems to think you have. He clicks off the final light and climbs into the bed. 

One of his arms settles over your ribcage, just above your bump. His other arm must be tucked up near his pillow, because you can feel his hand smoothing over your hair. Satisfied that you aren’t alone, you finally drift off.

Two simultaneous chirping sounds snap you awake again. You struggle for a moment against the arms wrapped around you and settled on your back. Shoving your arms out, you realize they’ve been resting on Spencer’s chest, where you’ve been cuddled up for god knows how long. 

Your squirming wakes him up too, and you’re finally released from his arms. Blindly feeling around on your night stand, you find your cell. 

The time blinks at you first, reading  _ 5:09 _ . Below is a missed call from Hotch and a text reading that two more bodies have been found. 

“Get up.” you mumble, mouth thick with sleep. “There’s more victims.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? dragging things out while introducing a major unsub? its more likely than u think!
> 
> next ch is written and will be up after I finish uploading this one lol
> 
> ty for 3.3k omfg thats insane
> 
> "Good things never last. Bad things never die" The Mountain Goats


	27. Chapter 27

You flick on all the lights. Reid groans, but you helpfully remind him that he can still have caffeine. 

You call Hotch back and shove the phone between your face and shoulder while you rummage through your bag. 

He gives you the address and tells you to get there as soon as you can. You’ve still got the keys to the SUV you took back to the hotel the previous night. 

“Reid! We gotta go!” you remind him as you start to strip out of your pajamas. From the bed, he slides his glasses on and turns to look at you.

“Hey, look at that! Your linea nigra is showing. Technically, women always have them, but they become apparent during pregnancy due to increased melanin production.”

“I appreciate the update, doc, but right now I need you to put a tie on so we can go look at some dead bodies.” You desperately hope the sarcasm covers up how sweet you find it that he was checking on your bump. It wasn’t quite as sweet that he wanted to talk about the dark line approaching your belly button, but still, it was a sweet interaction.

He finally does head to his room to get dressed while you finish getting ready. While you wait for him, you poke at the shitty coffee maker and manage to get him a cup made in the cheapest feeling to go cup you’ve ever held. 

You drive and find the scene is already crawling with crime scene technicians. Hotch is standing off to the side, waiting for the two of you. 

You process the scene and talk through it with Hotch, noting the items taken and the items left by the unsub.

“This isn’t a copycat, is it?” you ask him quietly.

“No. It isn’t.” Hotch says in an equally quiet voice. Reid and Hotch stay on scene to oversee the transport of the victims to the examiner while you get directed back to the station.

Before they leave, Hotch pulls you aside again. “This unsub doesn’t gain anything from killing anymore. He wants power over the investigation. We can’t risk having you in the field this time. You’re with JJ from here, alright?”

There’s no room for argument, so you don’t bother. When you make it to the station it’s just shy of 7, so the rest of the team hasn’t quite started their day. JJ texts you that she’ll be at the station by 7:30, and that everybody else has been directed to various field locations. 

The station is buzzing with activity, but nobody from the reaper case is still here, so you head to the conference room. You flip the lights off and slump down at the table to rest before JJ gets there. 

The buzzing of fluorescents stirs you from your half-sleep state.

“Here.” JJ slides a mug of what looks like herbal tea over to you.

“Has the news broke yet?”

“Last night’s bodies? Not yet. I just spoke to local PD and they agreed to leave it up to us to announce it. I’m going to call a press conference after we get some info from the M.E.”

You take a sip. It’s peppermint. 

“So what do we do now?”

She looks at you over her own mug.

“Now we wait until somebody needs something.”

JJ drafts some possible press conferences, depending on how the examination goes, while you poke around at the leads from yesterday.

You call Garcia and ask her to send you any of the research she did yesterday, and she tells you it’ll take her a little while to put it together while fielding calls from the rest of the team.

Which leaves you with nothing to do for now. 

“Sorry we missed our lunch.” you say, practically baiting her.

“We’re spending a hell of a lot longer than a lunch break together now.” she says absently, rearranging her notes on the table. 

Huh. She didn’t bite. 

“Was there something specific you wanted to talk about?” you try to adopt a casual tone. 

She looks up and stares at the wall in front of her for a moment.

“I thought you’d talk to me again before you went through with it.” she admits.

“I didn’t think we had anything else to talk about.” you say honestly. 

“I didn’t have anything else to say about you having a baby, but I would have told you not to have one with Spence.”

Cautiously, you tell her “Jayge, you already told me that.”

“But I wanted you to listen. You didn’t listen.” her voice takes on a hard edge.

“I’d trust him with anything. My life, my child’s life, anything. He’s going to do everything he can to give this baby a good life. That’s what I wanted from the father of my child.”

“I’m not-I know  _ you’re  _ going to be fine. But what about me?” her eyes are watery. Your chest starts to feel tight and your stomach sinks.

“JJ. I’m asking you this because I love you. Has Will done something to h-”

“No!” her voice breaks. “He’s perfect. He’s a perfect guy and a perfect father. He’s never done anything but love me.”

“So what are you worried about?” 

She finally looks you in the eye. “I spent two years thinking I’d eventually settle down with Spence. And then you joined. And then I met Will and I thought, well I’ll just see where this goes. But I kept thinking that, somewhere down the line, maybe we’d break up and-look, Spencer’s never dated anybody in the time I’ve known him. So I thought well, if this doesn’t work out, I could be happy with him. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I told Will, and he did  _ everything  _ right. He quit his job and moved here for me. The team loved him, and my family loved him, and he was so caring during the pregnancy, and then I gave birth and he’s so good to me and Henry. He did everything right. He  _ does  _ everything right. And I still don’t-When I’m with Will, I don’t feel like I do when I’m with Spence. And Spencer’s moving on.”

You’re overwhelmed. Garcia made analyzing JJ seem so easy, but now you feel like a deer in headlights.

“JJ. Just because he wasn’t dating doesn’t mean he was waiting for you all that time.”

She rubs at the tears in her eyes. You continue.

“I don’t know what to say about Will. But what goes on between the two of you, that has nothing to do with Spencer-or me. We’re always going to love and support you. You don’t have to be a love interest or something for Reid to care about you. He’s not moving on from you or your friendship.”

You sit down in the chair next to her. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk about everything you wanted to before I got pregnant. I love you, and I want you to be a part of my daughter’s life, JJ.”

She opens her mouth to speak, but she’s cut off by her phone ringing. 

She clears her throat.

“Agent Jareau.” You step out of the room to snag some tissues from a random desk and hand them to JJ to dry her eyes while she’s on the call. You save one to dry your own.

“That was the medical examiner’s office. They’re gonna send over the initial reports.”

“That’s good.” you comment.

She hesitates. “I didn’t mean to get so upset.” then, in a shakier voice, she adds “Thanks for listening to me.”

You give her hand a squeeze. “Can I ask you something?”

She nods.

“What’s your favorite memory with Will?” 

She thinks for a minute. “Last summer, right before he moved here, I went down to visit him for the fourth of July. I couldn’t drink obviously, and he wasn’t going to without me, so we decided that instead of going to a party, we’d drive around and try to find a spot to watch the fireworks over the river. We missed half of the show and we could barely see them, but during the hour we spent looking for a spot we had the windows down, and I played him my favorite album while he pointed out all the places he had memories of. When we finally parked, we stood up through the sunroof and watched what we could.” Her voice softens. “It was a really nice night.”

“Sounds like it.” you smile before standing up. “I’m gonna go grab the reports they sent over.”

You took a deep breath once you left the room. JJ was going to have to come to terms with the fact that Reid isn’t around to be her backup. There wasn’t much you could do for her, but you hoped that getting her to talk a little about Will would stop her from catastrophizing their relationship. They had a connection, she just needed to be reminded of that. Now, all you could do was hope she comes around to the idea of your baby. 

For now, though, you had a report to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's your double update for today- it ain't much, but it's honest work  
> i know i said i was going to upload immediately but right after i posted ch 26, my brother called me and needed help w my niece lol
> 
> its almost friday!!!! take it easy, but take it
> 
> "Most of us resist changes we didn’t spark. We feel victimized and so we try to hold tight to whatever we figure out as a way to survive. We spend too much time watching change happen with our jaws dropped, writing what the fuck over and over. It is time to learn Octavia Butler’s lessons—both that “the only lasting truth is change,” and that we can, and must, “shape change.”" Adrienne Maree Brown


	28. Chapter 28

The conference room that the BAU had set up in is practically a revolving door for the remainder of the case. Everybody drops by at some point, but mostly to riffle through some files and book it once they find what they need. Reid stays for a while after a bus full of people were killed by the unsub. He’s tasked with trying to understand the escalation. Between the two of you, the working theory is that the bus was chosen as a message for the team. Reid puts the numbers together and you feed Garcia what you’ve worked out. She calls you back in under five minutes, sounding panicked.

“The survivor? Foyet?” she reminds you. “You were right about the significance of the bus route. All of the street addresses matching the numbers of the stops are linked to his identities.”

“I’ll call Hotch.” you offer. Bitterly, you add “He’s hunting Foyet, and now he’s taunting us.”

While Garcia sends a full list of the survivor’s addresses and aliases, you explain the finding to Hotch.

“We’re going to have to split up and cover all of them.”

JJ and Reid both haul ass out of the station.

You’ve never been pulled from a field operation before. When you’re sitting at the table listening to the team’s communications, you feel a pang of sympathy for Garcia. Plenty of cases involve some sort of chase, and she probably doesn’t know what happened until the unsub is caught. 

The news crackles into your ears that an agent is down. You try to recount whose voices you’ve heard most recently, but you can’t focus on two things at a time. You opt to listen to the comms. For several minutes, there’s just commotion. 

Then Hotch is calling your name.

“Morgan was knocked unconscious. We’re sending him in an ambulance to a hospital now. I need you to meet him at the emergency room and keep an eye on him. I’ll send you the address. Got it?” His tone is tight and short.

“Got it.” you confirm. 

The emergency room receptionist directs you to have a seat. You flash your badge and ask about his condition again. This time, she agrees to send a nurse out to talk to you. 

You wait for a minute with your head between your knees, trying to avoid the sterile fluorescence beating down on you.

“Agent?” a nurse approaches you. “He’s alright, he’ll be cleared to go in a few minutes.” 

You thank him. Your nerves have been calmed somewhat by the news that Morgan is fine, but you still want to see it to believe it.

Your phone buzzes with a text. 

_ “Foyet is dead.” _

You hadn’t met him, but Hotch had worked with him during the original investigation. By all accounts, he was a nice man who was about to get married and start a new life. He’d spent the last ten years running from the man who killed the love of his life and tried to kill him. 

_ “C.O.D?”  _ You send back. He could have been killed by whoever attacked Morgan, but it’s possible he went into cardiac arrest, or killed himself, or any number of other ways to die.

_ “He bled out. There’s at least two quarts of his blood on the floor. Unsub took the body with him.” _

Away from the field, you have more time to think about the killing than you would if you were on your feet. What a horrible way to die. You try to imagine seeing the man you’ve run from for ten years, the man who ruined your life, in your kitchen. You try to imagine the kind of injuries it would take to spill that much blood. You try to imagine how it would feel to die in the arms of that man as he drags your body out. 

Field or not, you can’t turn off the profiler part of your brain. It’s a significant change of M.O. It would make sense for an M.O. to change for a victim he’s been waiting ten years to kill, but it doesn’t fit the profile. This unsub thrives on fear and fame. He doesn’t have a use for a body unless he’s devolving somehow. Necrophilia is unlikely, given the lack of sexual interest in all of the previous victims. Maybe he has some sort of stunt lined up? Putting the body somewhere public?

“Hey, kid.”

Your head snaps up. In front of you is Derek Morgan, looking as pretty as ever.

“Hey,” you smile. “How do you feel?”

“I’ve been better, but I’ve been worse.” 

“What did the doctor tell you?”

“I got the all clear- nothing broken, no concussion, nothing.”

Relief sets in. “We should head back to the station. Ready?”

You dial Hotch while you walk to the car. The line is busy, so you call Prentiss.

You fill her in on Morgan. 

“Hey, Em?” you stop her before she ends the call. “What do you think about the body being moved?”

“We don’t have a good theory yet. Foyet was clearly special, but I don’t know what would make him break his pattern.”

“If he had time to move the body of an adult man, he had enough time to place objects and follow his pattern. What could he need Foyet’s body for so badly that he threw out his own method?” you muse.

“We’re missing something.” she states what you’re both thinking.

“Maybe Foyet was significant for some other reason than being the survivor? We know the unsub pays attention to the women more than the men- maybe something about Foyet’s relationship made him stand out, and the failure to kill him compounded to make him the ultimate victim?”

“I’ll see what Garcia has on the girlfriend. You make sure Morgan gets delivered safely, okay?” 

Morgan’s phone rings as you pull into the parking lot of the station. He puts it on speaker.

Prentiss gives you the cliff notes. “Guys, Foyet is the reaper. He faked his death. We have a location for him now- Morgan, I need you to meet us here as soon as you can.” 

You hop out of the driver's seat. Your comms click on and you stand on the pavement in front of the station as you watch Morgan drive off.

Then, for the second time that day, you find yourself listening to your team coordinate a raid. 

“ _ How’d you figure it out?”  _ you type out to Garcia. As smart as the team is, this is the sort of case it would take Garcia to crack.

“ _ Hotch had me look into Foyet. He had only met the girl he said he wanted to propose to four weeks before the killing. His aliases were all hired as computer science substitutes and fired for inappropriate conduct with teen girls.”  _ she sends back.  _ “How are you feeling?” _

Your ears are filled with the sounds of the team entering an apartment and trying to deescalate the situation inside. Hotch is trying to convince Foyet not to kill whoever was inside.

“ _ It’s tough to sit and listen to it.”  _ you write.

Your phone buzzes:  _ “You never get used to it.”  _

Despite Foyet insisting he’ll kill what you think is a reporter, things seem to be going well. Hotch’s voice is clear and steady as he lists the reasons Foyet won’t do it.

Morgan’s voice interrupts. “Where is it, you son of a bitch?”. The sound of handcuffs closing reach your ears.

“I’m gonna be more famous than you even realize.” George Foyet hisses at the team. Then the audio is cut.

You wait on the pavement until the team pulls into the lot. Officers from the station take Foyet from Hotch and bring him inside.

The rest of the team stands in a huddle with you while Hotch stares through the glass doors and watches Foyet disappear inside. 

Then he turns to the group. His frown makes his features sharper.

“Let’s go home.” he orders.

It’s only an hour flight back to D.C, which is fortunate because Morgan and Hotch are both radiating anger for most of it. Afterwards, Hotch insists on everybody going home.

“I’ll see you all at nine on Monday.”

“Nine? Aren’t we lucky.” Prentiss snorts under her breath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik this wasn't the wildest ch, but now foyet is officially a bad guy so i promise things will go sideways before too long  
> also i forgot to mention last time that ch 27 brought us to over 30k words and over 100pages in my google doc which is crazy!!!!  
> happy saturday!  
> "Die hard, die kicking, old habit of mine" The Mountain Goats


	29. Chapter 29

In the weeks following the Reaper, the team had a string of intense, traveling cases. Your fatigue and nausea were mostly gone, but all of the hours the team was putting in were draining. 

One morning, while waiting for your caffeine free tea to steep, your phone buzzed. A text from JJ read  _ “No need to bring a go-bag today.” _

You had barely just gotten back from the last case. There wasn’t any urgency in the text, so the time you had blocked off in your morning for packing a new bag was mercifully given back to you. You actually get to sit and enjoy your early morning for a bit.

“Case must be local.” Prentiss remarks when you get to your desk. 

“Ah, so there is a case.” Reid prods her for more information.

“Calm down, genius. I’m just guessing. No word on when the briefing is.”

Morgan grabs his mug of coffee and heads over to your cluster of desks. He leans by Prentiss’s desk while the group chats idly. In the middle of Prentiss explaining/defending how she trims her own bangs so well, Morgan’s head snaps up. 

“What’s the army doing here?” he frowns at the entryway. You turn in your chair to face it and see that uniformed officers are pouring in. Morgan storms towards Hotch.

“What the hell is going on?” he asks, but Hotch gives no indication.

“Guys,” Hotch addresses the group, “This is Dr. Linda Kimura, Chief of special pathogens with the CDC.”

She waves to the group, greeting “Hello. I'm sorry to meet under these circumstances.”

“We need to get started.” Hotch cuts in before anymore introductions. 

You all file into the conference room, and by now JJ and Garcia have joined, taking spots at the table with the rest of the team.

“What circumstances?” Reid presses while they wait.

“Last night, 25 people checked into emergency rooms In and around Annapolis. They were all at the same park after 2 p.m. yesterday. Within 10 hours, the first victim died. It's now just past 7 a.m. The next day, we have 12 dead.” Hotch explains.

“Lung failure and black lesions.” Kimura adds.

“Anthrax?” Prentiss suggests. The suggestion sends a chill over the room. 

“Anthrax doesn't kill this fast.” Reid assures them.

“This strain does.” Kimura says, her face pale.

“What are we doing about potential mass targets-- Airports, malls, trains?” Morgan asks.

“There's a media blackout.” Hotch tells him.

“We're not telling the public?” Morgan, used to action, is clearly unsettled by Hotch’s call.

“We'd have a mass exodus. The psychology of group panic would cause more deaths than this last attack.” Kimura smooths over

“Yeah, and if it does get out, whoever did this might go underground or destroy their samples. Or if they wanted attention and didn't get it, they might attack again.” Reid interjects

“Doesn't the public have the right to know that?” Morgan bears down, adding “If there is another attack, There's no way we'll be able to keep it quiet.”

“Our best chance of protecting the public is by building a profile as quickly as we can.” Hotch’s voice is firmer than it already is normally, keeping a lid on the team’s panic.

“What do we know about this strain?” you ask.

“The spores are weaponized, reduced to a respiral ideal that attacks deep in the lungs. Odorless and invisible. A sophisticated strain.” Kimura explains

Reid’s already scanning the medical reports they were given, commenting “Only a scientist would know how to do that. These lesions are doubling in size in a matter of hours.”

Kimura responds “It's not the lesions I'm worried about. It's the lungs. We don't know how to combat the toxins once they're inside. And the reality is, we may lose them all. The remaining survivors have been moved to a special wing at Walter Reed Hospital.”

“Our offices will become a small command center. We'll be working with military scientists from Fort Detrick.” Hotch begins to lay out the plan.

“My team is in charge of treating all victims.” Kimura adds.

“Reid, go with Dr. Kimura to the hospital. Interview the victims. Morgan and Prentiss, there's a hazmat team that will accompany you to the crime scene. Y/n- you’re with Garcia. Rossi and I are running point with the army for now. There's cipro. Everybody needs to take it before we go. We don't know if it's effective against this strain, but it's something.” 

You hesitate with the antibiotic pill in your hand. 

“That's the only defense we have. You won’t be leaving the office, so I won’t order you to take it. But if there’s an exposure here, you won’t have a choice.” Hotch notices your pause.

This is a dangerous job. You know that. You knew that when you got pregnant. Still, a chemical hazard is unnerving. At least you can see physical violence coming, or better, stay in an office away from it. Now, every particle you breathe is a risk. 

Spencer speaks up “Cipro is a class c drug during pregnancies, meaning there’s no adequate studies of the effects on human fetuses.” he swallows “But there have been studies on animal fetuses. Class c drugs are used when the benefit outweighs the risk.” he looks you in the eye “If you have an anthrax exposure, this might be your only chance.”

Better alive with complications than dead. You swallow the pill. The knot in your stomach doesn’t go anywhere.

You head to Garcia’s office and spend a half hour rattling off possible parameters for the unsub to her.

At one point she stops you “If you add any other options, this list is going to turn into everybody who had to take chemistry in high school. I need more parameters- no, I need less parameters, but they need to be more specific.” Garcia looks ready to tear her perfectly curled hair out.

“I can talk to Hotch and Rossi and see what they’ve got so far.” you offer and she practically begs you to. 

On your way you swing by JJ’s office.

“Anything interesting come up?” you ask. She’s been sorting through the 2001 anthrax attack files. 

“No.” she says curtly. 

“You alright?”

“Spence needed me to pull some files for him before he left, and he mentioned that in 2001 a seven month old got it. I had to pry it out of him that the baby survived.” She puts her hands in her head. “But he said this strain is different. And then he just left. Like he didn’t just remind me my son,  _ his godson _ , might…” her voice cracks. “I can’t stop thinking about Henry. He goes for a walk almost every single day at Potomac Park. What type of mother am I if I don't at least call and tell him to stay at home?”

You sit in the chair across from her desk. “JJ, you’re the kind of mother who is doing everything in her power to keep her family safe. Dr. Kimura was right about the psychology of group panic. I know it sounds ridiculous, but right now Henry is safest going about life normally. This team is going to do everything we can to prevent another attack. Reid was probably being short with you because he’s already running some biological simulations in his brain or something. He’s going to try and find a cure for this, so even if the worst happens, we can treat it.”

“The unsub is local. We need a cure  _ now _ .” She rubs at her eyes.

“The black out-” you begin, but Hotch opens the office door and cuts you off.

“The general's briefing a congressional committee, and the director's meeting with the president in an hour and wants our input. I need you two in the conference room.” He walks out without waiting for you.

“I don’t know he can operate like normal when Haley and Jack are both vulnerable.” JJ comments. 

“I wish I had the perfect answer for you, Jayge.” you sigh and make your way to the conference room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear i don't mean to keep ragging on JJ but she's just so relevant  
> I'm not following the show's cases super closely, but the anthrax episode is(in my opinion) one of the best cm episodes of all time and it is in between omnivore and season 5!  
> the next ch is written and will be up tomorrow!  
> (ps- I don't have a ko-fi, but i do have a cashapp if you want to support your local fanfic writing college student ($)gmirv, please be 18+ though!)  
> edit- I forgot to mention some of this dialogue is ripped from the show for continuity purposes (you can find the transcript here:https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=31&t=12916)  
> also we are about to hit 4k on here and 11k on wattpad so I'll plan something special for that eventually!


	30. Chapter 30

The briefing with the director is really just a preliminary profile delivery. JJ gives the background on the 2001 attack before you and Hotch outline the level of education the unsub would have.

It’s weak, but it's something. The director makes Hotch promise to call him directly when they learn anything. 

“Going back to Garcia?” Hotch asks on your way out of the meeting.

You shrug. “She kicked me out. Said to come back when we have more specific criteria.”

“You can help Rossi and I with the Fort Detrick interviews.”

The two of you walk back to the bullpen and up to Hotch and Rossi’s offices, where the interviews have been taking place.

He pauses outside of his office door. 

“What do you know about the 2001 anthrax attack?”

You were an expert in adolescent psychology. Counter-terrorist strategies weren’t exactly on your class list in college.

“Just what JJ presented.” 

“No, that’s good. The BAU has...bad blood with General Whitworth.”

You raise your eyebrows. 

“We profiled the attack and one of his men fit the profile. We ruled him out, but an arrest was made anyway. People were hungry for justice. Whitworth has never let it go.” Hotch explains.

“Where do I come in?”

“He’s met Rossi and I, and he’s hostile to both of us. But he hasn’t met you- there’s a chance he’d open up more. You’re not a threat.”

“Because he hasn’t met me or because I’m a woman?” you snort.

“You know how guys like this operate.” he points out. He’s right, of course. You’ve met more than enough misogynists to know how they are.

He preps you for the interview: where to sit, how to act, what to say. The list of questions was helpful considering how out of your field you were, but eventually, you have to assure him you know how to conduct an interview. 

He nods at you. 

“The General is currently working in the boardroom on the other side of the floor. Think you’ve got it from here?” you nod. “I’ll be conducting interviews with Rossi in his office. Let us know if you need anything.”

You knock on the boardroom door as you open it. 

“General Whitworth?” you smile at him, ignoring the officers buzzing around him. “I’m from the Behavioral Analysis Unit-do you have a few minutes for some questions?”

“Go ahead.” he says, barely looking up.

“Sorry, we’re supposed to conduct these in private. Policy from the director.” you shrug. “If you’ll follow me, we can speak in a private office.” you try your hardest to give him a sympathetic look. He gives a heavy sigh, but he does get up to come with you.

You’re 18 weeks along, and showing it. Whitworth certainly picks up on it.

“Is this your first?” he asks.

“It is.” you confirm.

“I’ve got two at home, well, at college. A boy and a girl.” 

You didn’t exactly love talking about your personal life with people who were rude to your coworkers, but establishing a rapport with interviewees was often part of the job.

“I’m due with a girl in november.”

“Congratulations. Got a name picked yet?”

“Not even close.” you snort, leading him up the steps to the offices.

In Hotch’s office, you have a seat in the chair across from Whitworth instead of the desk chair.

“What can you tell me about your lab's involvement in this investigation?”

“My scientists are decoding the strain. The additives used to strengthen the bacterial capsules do not exist at our research labs.”

“Are there any other labs using these substances?”

“No.”

“Could I get a list of all the scientists in your anthrax program?” 

“We don't use those additives.” he repeats.

“Sir, we can rule out your lab samples, but not your people.”

“The last time this team looked into my people-”

“General, I wasn’t here in 2001. My only interest is solving  _ this  _ case. The sooner we can rule out your scientists, the sooner we can find who did this.”

He leans back in his chair. “You really believe in this stuff?”

“Sorry?”

“Profiles. Do you think they work?”

“I’ve worked on this team for two and a half years. Before that, I was a psychologist with the crimes against children unit. I’ve seen a lot of lives be saved by psychological profilers. I believe in them.”

“Well, I hope they do save lives. I'm outranked by someone who believes in your profiles. I'll get you your list.”

The office door creaks open. Garcia hands you a manilla folder.

“Here’s the files you asked for.” she tells you, making intense, unblinking eye contact with you. It’s unnerving, so you assume it’s her way of telling you not to say anything. You thank her and flip the folder open. On top of what looks like a transcript is a hot pink post-it reading “ASK HIM ABOUT DOCTOR NICHOLS. SEE HIGHLIGHTS.”

“General, are you familiar with a Dr. Nichols?” you try to sound natural.

“He worked at Fort Detrick.” 

You try to scan the highlights as fast as you can. It looks like a senate hearing transcript. 

“Can you give me an estimate of when that was?” you ask, trying to buy more time.

You don’t hear his answer because lines at the end of the transcript begin to jump out at you.  _ “You people are in denial!” “This country should be panicked! We should live in utter fear of being attacked!” “I will not sit down. We live in a time of war and WMD proliferation. If you continue to be blind To our lack of preparedness, Then Americans will die, And I will have no problem In pointing the blame at you!” _

“Are you aware that he testified in front of the senate in reference to national security?” you cut in.

“Yes.”

“Are you aware the committee said he was becoming unstable and fanatical?”

“That’s why they removed him from Fort Detrick and railroaded from other prominent positions. Dr. Nichols is well-respected in our community. He believes in preparedness, not proliferation.”

“It appears not everyone believes in preparedness. The senate committee dismissed his concerns. He could have valuable insight to prepare for a possible second attack.” You don’t dare throw around that he’s a suspect. Whitwork would probably implode if you did.

“Do you know where he is now?” you ask.

“He works for a company called bio-design technology. We subcontract them. They don't work with anthrax. They deal primarily with the flu.”

You try to give a friendly smile. “Well, hopefully he still remembers the information he presented to the senate. Thank you for your time.”

“He didn’t do this. He went through a rough patch after that senate hearing. His wife divorced him and he left the army. He’s been busy putting his life together. I don’t know who was behind those attacks, but this guy is not a threat. Nichols is just a guy who worries too much. He didn’t do this.”

“Thank you, General.”

On his way out, he wishes you good luck. Whether it’s for the case or the baby, you’re not sure.

Once you see him leave through the bullpen doors, you rush to Rossi’s office.

Hotch and Rossi are both flipping through the same pages you were given.

“Whitworth remembers him. After the senate hearing, he was demoted in the army. Recent divorce and job change. The company he works for now is subcontracted by the army. They work with the flu.” you give them the bullet points.

“Ask Garcia to send us the addresses.” Hotch tells you. “We’ll check his lab and residence. Y/l/n, JJ has a speech writer from the White House in her office right now. The hospital is considering announcing the C.O.D., and the president might have to make a speech tonight. Go ahead and update her.”

You poke your head into Garcia’s office.

“Hey, Penelope.”

“Hey, friend.” she says in the gentle tone she uses during particularly tough cases.

“Got an address for Nichols and Bio-design technology?”

“Just sent them, sweet thing.”

“Remind me to buy you a drink when this is over.” you grin and head to JJ’s office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!  
> I know this is the worst kind of note, but I move into my dorm tomorrow and one of my roommates is dumping her boyfriend so we're going to get trashed on friday, so I'm not sure when the next ch will go up. I'm hoping to write some tonight and hopefully squeeze some in tomorrow, over the weekend for sure!


	31. Chapter 31

After briefing JJ, you head back to Garcia’s office. Hotch and Rossi both take off for Bio-design Technology, leaving the three of you left. On the way to her office, you pause in the bullpen. Watching part of your team disappear for the second time that day makes your heart hurt with both fear for them and a desire to be out in the field. Sniffling, you grab a chair and haul it to Garcia’s office with you.

You put it next to Garcia at the monitors. 

“Have you looked into his history at bio-tech? There might be something in the records that they might not tell Hotch.” 

You can see her nervously chewing on the inside of her cheek. 

“I try not to hack into things I don’t have to. If we get audited, I have to defend every single breach of privacy.” Her fingers rest on top of the keyboard like she’s itching to type.

Something flashes on her screen and she presses a button on her keyboard with lightning speed.

“Hello, gorgeous.” she prompts.

“Hey, baby girl. Reid and I are on our way to Nichols’ house. Reid thinks there must have been a practice run before the park.” There’s some shuffling on the phone before Reid’s voice comes through.

“The unsub must have used a more concentrated dose. It would have shut down the organs before unique anthrax poisoning symptoms manifest. Look for unusual emergency room admissions in the past two weeks. They should still be within the comfort zone, so Annapolis and the surrounding areas.”

“I will hit you back.” Garcia chirps and ends the call. 

While she works on accessing recent ER deaths, she directs you to another computer to make up a list of diseases that might have been the cause of death instead.

“Meningitis.” Garcia says, snapping you out of your focus.

“What?”

“There was a spike in meningitis for one day only. All the patients died within a few hours of each other. I need you to figure out if anthrax could be mistaken for meningitis. I’m going to track bank records.”

You skim through some articles about meningitis. 

“As long as there wasn’t an autopsy confirming meningitis in the spinal fluid, I think its possible, yeah.” You’re no doctor, but you give it your best try.

Garcia opens her mouth to speak, but her door swings open.

“I just got a call.” JJ says. “The anthrax was developed in Nichols’ house. Reid got exposed.”

Your heart is racing. “What do you mean exposed?”

“I mean he’s trapped in a room with it. He’s already breathed it in.”

“Who’s with him?” you ask.

“Hotch and Morgan. They’re both outside of the house.”

“Garcia, can you call Hotch for me?” you say in a tight voice.

She patches him through on speaker.

“What’s going on there?” you ask.

“Nichols is dead. Blunt force trauma to his head. Reid thinks he's been dead 2 or 3 days.” 

“The unsub is still loose.” JJ hisses under her breath.

“And how’s Reid?” you ask, voice wavering. 

“He’s up and talking. Asymptomatic so far.” 

“Okay. You’re going to get him to the hospital, right?”

“He’s staying here. Whoever killed Nichols worked in his home laboratory. The unsub kept meticulous notes. He must have created a cure. He wouldn’t have risked dying before he could carry out his plan.”

“Are you crazy?” you hiss. “Hotch, you need to put a full unit of people in there that are suited up. Reid’s brain isn’t going to function like normal after an exposure. He won’t be able to find the cure, and he sure as hell isn’t able to consent to rejecting life-saving treatment.”

“Agent, he is asymptomatic. I tried to pull him out. He wants to stay. I’ve already got a decon team suiting up, but we won’t be able to find somebody who can profile _and_ understand what the cure would look like. Right now, we need both of Reid’s skill sets. His best chance is himself.”

Hotch is right, but that doesn’t make you feel any better.

“Can I speak to him?” you ask through the tightness in your throat.

You can hear some sadness in Hotch’s voice when he sighs “Put her through, Garcia.”

The line rings twice before he picks up. 

“Spencer?” you ask. 

“Hey,” his voice crackles through. “I don’t have very long. I’ve gotta work this case before I...can’t anymore. I just want you to know that you’re going to be the best mom. I believe in you.” There’s some shuffling in the background of the call. It must be the arrival of the decon team because the next thing you know, Reid is saying “I’ll see you when I can, alright?” 

Your tears don’t start until the line goes dead.

“This thing killed the first 3 victims within hours.” Garcia practically whispers.

“Garcia, stop. Please. I--we can't think about it that way. He took cipro. He's got help. He's gonna be fine.” JJ insists.

“Didn’t you just hear him? He was saying goodbye. He knows what’s going to happen.” you manage to croak out between sobs.

The three of you sit in tears for a minute before Garcia speaks up.

“I'm not good at this part. Every time you guys go away, I... I know you're in all kinds of ginormous danger, And all I can do is sit here in my bubble, And I hope and I pray and I will my babies to come back to me... I try to stay positive, but... I don't know how to do this.”

You put one of your hands over Garcia’s, glad to at least be with part of the team.

JJ’s voice is soft when she speaks again.

“Guys, if you could do anything to keep your family safe, even if it meant breaking procedure, would you?”

“Yes.” Garcia says without pause.

At the same time you ask “What procedure?”

She doesn’t look at either of you when she says “Never mind.”

“Garcia, can you patch us into the team’s comms? Just to listen in?” you ask.

“I’m not really supposed to.” she says, but she’s already typing to make it happen. 

It’s hard to tell what’s going on since nobody is narrating for you, but Hotch relays some of the information to Prentiss and Rossi. You take deep breaths while listening to Hotch speak against the background noise of a crime scene investigation. You start to feel almost numb.

The possibility that you could lose Reid is becoming horribly real. 

You’re jolted back to reality when Reid’s voice is on the comms again. He’s just describing the room to Hotch, but every word is confirmation that he’s alright. Calm enough to recognize your surroundings, you realize that at some point, JJ slipped out. 

One of the worst parts of your job is the way that it never stops. Even when your world ends, you have something you should be doing. Garcia designates you as the go-between for Prentiss and Rossi, so you step out to call them and see what they’ve learned. You pace around the floor to work off your nerves. On your third pass by JJ’s office, you finish your call with Prentiss.

You can hear JJ speaking. 

“Just calling to...see where you are. Um... give me a call. OK? Love you.”

You’ve already hung around for too long. JJ looks up as she puts her cell down and you stare each other right in the eye. Objectively, you just watched her almost break a media blackout. Objectively, she could have created a mass panic and caused deaths.

But you weren’t trained to think like a bureaucrat. 

You think like you. You think about Henry. You think about how vulnerable he is. 

You echo her words to her. 

“If you could do anything to keep your family safe.” you give her a slight nod. 

Whatever she was planning to say, whatever could have happened, it died right in that room when she hung up. There was no point in berating her. 

The two of you both had family in danger. It was the saddest understanding you’d ever come to. 

You returned to Garcia with the clean behavioral report from Nichols’ employer. 

“Any update?”

Garcia leans back in her chair. “They’re still profiling the unsub. They think he was a mentee.”

“Well, he didn’t meet him at work.” you snort. “Apparently, Nichols’ is a star employee without any notable attachments to coworkers.”

She turns her comms mic on. 

“The unsub isn’t from his work. Prentiss and Rossi’s report was totally bland.” She parrots to Morgan and Hotch. 

Morgan’s voice comes through. “Reid said Nichols’ was like a teacher to him- maybe the unsub really is a student?”

“Check PhD students in the sciences.” you suggest.

“I’ll cross them with the bookshop.” She informs everyone.

“Bookshop?” you mutter. 

“Darling, you miss so much when you go.” she says, but her heart is clearly in the computer. “Nothing.” she huffs.

Reid speaks next, with a voice that is noticeably weaker. “I don't think this paper was

written by a science student. It's about city preparedness and response. Check with students

in the social studies...public policy, urban planning.”

“Hot to trot. There's a Chad Brown, School of Public Policy at U of M. Matches a Chad Brown, former employee at the book front. He's been in the doctoral program on and off for 5 years. Nix on a steady job. Was slapped with a restraining order from his former girlfriend and has been arrested and released twice at protest rallies in DC.”

Morgan is audibly fond when he speaks again “Kid, you did real good. Now get the hell out of there.”

The comms go dead while the team reorganizes. Garcia sends you to the Fort Detrick team to see what they know about Brown. You try very hard not to think about what Reid didn’t find in the house.

The cure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: sorry this is late- i moved in which was great and my roommate dumped her bf which was also great but then a girl ive had contact with tested positive (my university is basically trying to keep people interacting within their dorms as much as they can. the only people ive seen are my roommate, a roommate from last year who lives across the hall now so we share the same communal bathrooms and stuff and she hasnt had contact outside of the building(shes been wearing masks and following rules rlly well, so has my room), and another former roommate who lives on the floor below us). the one below us tested positive (we found out thrus). the university contact tracing team is super overwhelmed and wont pick up my calls so my roommate and i have just been sitting in our dorm (which we do any way) and limiting outside exposure (we leave once a day for food and our mini fridge is struggling). The roommate across the hall also tested positive. the really frustrating part is that the one below us was(and still is) lying about who she has seen and when. ie she told us shes seen a total of six people and all tested negative but she facetimed my roommate one night in a different dorm with no mask and two people in the room that she isn't talking about now, not to mention some other shady stuff. overall she's really been irresponsible and infected at lest person and put another two in quarantine and that isnt including me and my roommate. she keeps saying she got it from passing somebody outside or an elevator button or something but it just seemed much more likely that she doesnt want to own up to breaking rules. she and the roommate across the hall have both thought they have a sinus infection for a while and given the timeline we've worked out it seems like they were exposed before I even moved in. my roomates test from tuesday was negative and we are waiting for my results tomorrow morning. we've also both signed up for the next test which will be monday, so we will know on wed. overall its just a long and scary and frustrating experience. i could get into many other details but this is me venting about trying to follow the rules and somebody who thinks they are above the rules
> 
> also- thank you thank you for the wonderful comments. they are such a bright spot in these *rough* times and i came very close to crying over them today. your support is so inspiring to me  
> UPDATE: my test came back negative! we aren't totally out of the woods yet but its great news and im really hoping me and my roommate are truly negative so that we didnt spread it   
> I'm feeling literally so much better emotionally and im really looking forward to writing more tonight  
> tysm for the well wishes!!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again

The race is on to figure out where Chad Brown is. Garcia is typing as fast as humanly possible to find his address while you hover in her doorway trying to dry your tears. 

“My love, I know we are living through a nightmare right now, but it ain’t over til its over. I need you to talk to the Fort Detrick team.” 

You nod, before realizing she isn’t watching you. Her eyes don’t even leave the screen. It’s oddly comforting to see her in her hyper-focused mode. 

You need to speak up. You need to be present. You need to be that focused on the case. 

“You got it.” It comes out shaky, but at least it comes out. 

You count your steps on the way to the conference room where most of the Detrick staff has set up. You know that what happens in the field depends on the rest of the team- on those in the field and Garcia. It still doesn’t feel right to walk away. Halfway to the conference room, you have to start counting again. You’d lost focus. 

This time, General Whitworth drops whatever he’s doing when he sees you. His whole team stops to listen. 

“We have identified the unsub as a student from the University of Michigan that consulted with Doctor Lawerence Nichols after his departure from Fort Detrick.” With dozens of eyes blinking back at you, it occurs to you that many of these people knew Nichols. Some probably worked alongside them for years. This isn’t usually your part...announcing deaths. “We have agents on scene at Nichols home. They believe he died two to three days ago and we are treating his dead as suspicious.” 

The room is still for a beat. 

Then every person in the room starts speaking. Half of them speak amongst each other and the other half are barking questions at you. 

Your shaking voice won’t cut it. You try to breathe in with your diaphragm and put on your best “FBI agent” voice.

“The BAU needs any material you have on “Chad Brown”. If he visited on a high school trip, contacted a lab member, or submitted an application, we need to know.” There. All done. 

You don’t stick around for questions to start again. There’s so much emotion and chaos in the room as they process the death of Nichols and snap back into work mode. The BAU has plenty of emotional devastation to chew on right now of its own.

The walk back to Garcia’s office was grim, but she gave you a smile a mile wide when you opened the door. She smacked a key with one perfectly manicured finger, muting herself. 

“Reid found the cure.”

Your chest is just as tight with nervousness as before, but now you’re lunging at Garcia.

“Patch me in! Patch me in, Garcia!” Your hands shake as you grab at her sweater, begging. She stares back at you with wide eyes and you hear her smack two keys. Unmuted and on speaker, Morgan’s voice rings through. 

“Yeah, they're hosing him down now. All right. They're checking out brown's house.” He must be on the phone with JJ after briefing Hotch, Rossi, and Prentiss.

It’s muffled by distance, but you hear him. “Go help hotch.” Your heart squeezes a little tighter at the sound of Reid’s voice. You hang on their every word. 

“Hotch has plenty of people helping him. He needs you more than I do. Reid, I'm gonna see you off to the hospital.”

“I'm about to get naked so they can scrub me down. Is that something you really want to see?” Reid snarks in that way of his that almost sounds sincere. 

“I'll check on you later-”

You’re interrupting before you can stop to think. Normally, you always trust your team’s judgement, but today you’re practically shouting “Derek Morgan, you had better stay with him until his ass is in a hospital bed, I swear to-”

Morgan and Garcia begin soothing you in near unison.

“Alright, baby, I’ll stay!” 

“Oh honey, Morgan won’t let anything happen to him”

“-I am turning around though.” Morgan huffs. You think you can hear more protesting from Reid, but you tune it out as you take your first deep breathes in a while. He’s alive, he’s dying, but he’s still alive. That’s good. That’s fine. 

You take the chance to float on good news for a while and head back to the Detrick group. They still look rattled. Impressively, they’ve already found a number of applications from Brown. You leafed through them in the doorway. 

All rejected.

You give a curt nod to those in the room and turn to leave. You make it a step out of the office before you nearly get knocked on your ass.

“Oh god- Are you?- Oh my god-” Anderson’s familiar awkward panicking is instantly recognizable. Luckily, he’d grabbed your upper arms when he’d crashed into you, so you didn’t have to die of embarrassment in front of the Detrick people. 

“I’m fine, Anderson.” You give him a reassuring smile. He doesn’t look any calmer. Instead, he starts scrambling to reorganize the papers in his hands. 

“Dr. Nichols wrote a-” He starts to announce to you. Now it’s your turn to grab his arms as you try to discreetly drag him out. 

You feel bad for shushing him, but he’d rushed into a situation far tenser than he knew. 

“Nichols is dead. Those people are grieving and they really don’t like anything that implies their man was involved.” You try to give him the cliffnotes.

“Oh. Oh-I didn’t know-” You raise your eyebrows and he gets the hint. “He wrote a classified study commissioned by the senate. It simulated a mock anthrax attack on the D.C. train systems. Now, he emphasized the main line--the red line-- as most vulnerable to an attack.”

You scan the papers he thrust towards you. “Does Hotch know?”

“Not yet, I thought the general could get them to him-”

“Anything he can do, Garcia can do faster. I’ll get them to her.” You start to take off, before remembering to call over your shoulder “Good work, Anderson!”. You can’t see him well, but you catch a glimpse of his nervous smile. 

As you had suspected Garcia was spectacular at distributing the information. From the faxed report that Anderson had handed out, she throws together a diagram of the train system vulnerabilities and has the entire team on call as she flips through the pages and rattles off a summary to them.

She’s spectacular in her delivery. In another life, she’s probably a beloved debate teacher. Like the “Dead Poets Society” but with more facts and more pink. 

The team starts to profile and decide if the unsub really will attack the mainline. 

Morgan’s cuts in. 

“Reid's in trouble. He got way sicker on the way to the hospital. He's in respiratory distress.”

Hotch immediately takes control. “Listen, he's with the people who can help him the most. I need everybody's head here right now.”

But you’re not experienced at this part. You’re not a profiler. You swing by your desk and get your phone and your keys.

Flipping through speed dial, you find what you’re looking for.

“Hey, Morgan. Listen- go help Hotch. I’m on my way to the hospital, I’ll stay with him.” You end the call before he can convince you not to and get in the elevator. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is there to say other than straight up my b for not writing during the semester. Life is always crazy but its definitely extra crazy this year. On the bright side, I saved my GPA this semester and my nephew was born just a couple of hours ago, so it wasn't all bad. ty for sticking around. Next ch will be out on 1/2/21


	33. Chapter 33

Your phone is eerily silent on your drive. Normally, Garcia would ping you with a slightly ridiculous amount of updates when a member of the team steps out. She’s either too busy, or she’s in the dark too. The thought makes you grip the steering wheel harder. You can’t begin to predict how this case is going to go. Two train lines he might attack, and you don’t have the first clue which he’d pick. Morgan is a better choice to help right now.

You just have to hope that Hotch thinks so too. If he thinks you abandoned the case...

It’s not a train of thought you want to follow. 

To get to the ward the victims are at, you have to flash your badge at three different desks. The last one gives you a hard way to go about clearance, until, thankfully, Dr. Kimura spots you through the little glass windows on the doors.

“She’s with me.” Kimura nods at the nurse manning the desk. He looks put out, but waves you through anyways. 

She burst into an explanation as soon as the door clicks behind you.

“Your team found a sample of the cure in Dr. Nichols’ home laboratory. I had it sent to the CDC’s NMR spectroscopy team- they’ve got the composition figured out. Once they know the proportions of the compounds, I’ve got a team of some of our biomolecular engineers and pharmaceutical technicians ready to reproduce it. If there’s any controlled substances in the cure, it should help you narrow down suspects. Even if it doesn’t, the Detrick NMR team has a sample of the anthrax strain used-”

“Dr. Kimura-” you stop her as politely as you can. “We’ve identified the unsub. I’m here to see my team member that was admitted. Sorry- I should have been more clear.” 

She looks at you blankly for a moment, then snaps out of “Chief of Special Pathogens” mode. With a renewed sense of urgency, she waves you along with her as she walks to Reid’s room. 

He looks horrible. 

The bags under his eyes look darker than you’ve ever seen them. His breathing looks shallow and his heart monitor is beeping a bit too fast for comfort. 

Even with how horrible he looks, he’s still Spencer Reid. You almost expect him to open his eyes and immediately start his enthusiastic rambling. He doesn’t move at all, not even when you call his name. 

“He’s stable for now, but I don’t expect any improvement until we get the doses of the cure.” Dr. Kimura says softly.

“Do you-” your voice shakes “-expect him to, um, get any worse before then?”

A beat of silence goes by.

“It all depends on how long it takes to get it here.” 

You nod, because the tight feeling in your throat doesn’t let you speak. She steps out after telling you to come find her if you have any questions.

You stand and stare until you can’t bear it anymore, collapsing in the chair near the foot of the bed. You want to drag it over beside him. You want to hold his hand. You want to stay there until he opens his eyes again.

A good coworker would do that. A best friend would do that. A girlfriend would do that.

You’re none of those exactly. Stuck somewhere in the middle of the three, it feels like a conflict of interest to get too close to him. If you get too close, you might find yourself tipping into something more with him or being rejected and stuck as a coworker to him forever. You can’t take a chance like that.

You leave the chair where it is. You grip your phone in case it buzzes with new information while you keep your eyes on him. After a miserable half hour, you get the update.

_ “Brown is in custody.” _

It doesn’t change your mood at all. A victory like that is never guaranteed, but today you let yourself take it for granted. Just this once. 

_ “Any update on the cure?” _ you shoot back to Garcia. 

_ “Nothing yet.”  _

He’s stable, you remind yourself. There’s nothing you can do but sit tight. Another forty five minutes go by and it’s nearly seven in the evening when Dr. Kimura waves you into the hallway with a neutral expression. 

“I just got a call-we’ll have enough to treat our whole unit in the next half hour.” A genuine smile breaks out on her face and she puts her hands on your shoulders.

“I’ll come get you the minute it’s here.” She promises. “Before you go back in- There’s somebody out in the lobby for you.”

She reminds you of the directions to the front desk. On the way, you try to subtly look at the other room’s tiny glass windows on each door. You’re the only visitor in the place.

When you step out into the ward’s waiting area, Prentiss is the one person in the room. She’s in her work clothes still, but she’s lost the blazer. The only sign of how hard the day was is the slight frizz to her hair. 

“Hey, kid.” She stands up as soon as you make eye contact. She’s got you wrapped up in a hug as soon as she could. “How is he?”

“Dr. Kimura thinks the treatment will be here in the next half hour.” you offer.

“He’s that bad, huh?” You nod and tuck your face into her shoulder briefly. 

When you eventually break apart, she’s got a small duffle bag in her hand.

“I didn’t know if you were going to stay the whole night, so I packed you a bag just in case.” She hands it off to you. “We’ve got the weekend off. The  _ whole  _ weekend.” She teases. 

You bury her in another hug. 

“Thank you.” You tell her earnestly. “If things are going well here, d’wanna get brunch on sunday?” She gives you a slightly wild grin as she agrees to it. 

“Don’t give me that look. It’s brunch with a pregnant woman.”

“We don’t need alcohol to get into trouble.” She winks and kisses you on the cheek to say goodbye. 

You plant yourself back into the chair opposite from Reid as you scrunge through the bag. When she’d started to foster that kitten, she’d given you a key for emergencies. You pointed out to her that somebody closer to her brownstone would probably be a better choice. She assured you that her neighbor had one for emergencies, but you had one for Emergencies. You still haven’t found out what exactly that means. 

You got an extra copy of your key later that week for her. 

“For emergencies.” you teased when you handed it over. And thank god you did. There’s an extra set of clothes, a sweatshirt, a phone charger, and an excellent variety of snacks. You toss the sweatshirt over your work clothes and slide the bag under your chair for the time being. You’re too stressed to eat, despite the awkward feeling in your stomach. 

You fight the urge to pace around for the entire twenty five minutes it takes for Kimura to reappear. She lets you stay while her team administers the respiratory treatment as long as you promised to stay out of the team’s way. (It was, in fact, a pinky-promise, so you didn’t dare get up from your seat the entire time.) Kimura is the last one to leave the room after the team gets Reid to breathe it in. She leans in the doorway and watches you for a moment. 

“Any questions?”

“I don’t want to take up your time.” you answer honestly.

“All of the treatments have been administered. There’s only five patients in this ward.” She pauses before divulging “Your man was the most stable, so we did him last. Took ten minutes from the first patient to the last.” 

You both watch Reid’s breathing for another moment.

“I’m going to call Agent Hotchner to update him. I’ll check on you two in a little bit.” She slips out of the room. 

Over the next hour, he improves steadily. His heart rate slows to normal, his oxygen saturation returns to normal, and he starts to take deep breaths. You lean your head back against the wall to try and get a little rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next update is 1/4/21!  
> NMR is Nuclear Magnetic Resonance spectroscopy. in essence you put a sample into a machine and it gives you a weird graph and then you slave over it to figure out what is in the sample. Covid meant most of my organic chemistry lab was online, so I spent a hell of a lot of time reading the graphs instead of making them. 5/10 experience would rather make compounds to put in the machine than read the output. i hope you enjoyed this nontechnical chemistry review  
> http://chem.ch.huji.ac.il/nmr/whatisnmr/whatisnmr.html


	34. Chapter 34

The room is dark by the time you wake to hear him. His breathing sounds ragged and he’s groaning in pain when you wake up. You can hear the sheets shuffle slightly.

“No, no, don’t move, I’ll get a nurse.” You get up and head to the door.

“No!” He shouts and you cringe from how much pain he sounds like he’s in. You smack the wall until you hit a light switch. You both wince from the sterile light flooding the room.

“You need pain meds.” you huff and reach from the door handle.

“I don’t. I’m fine and I don’t want to take any narcotics.” His voice is hard as he says it. You flip around to look at him.

“It’s not good for you to be in pain like this.” you argue back.

“It’s not good for me to relapse either.” And there’s a point you’re not prepared to argue with. His face softens after that. “You should probably tell one of the nurses I’m up, though.” He gives you an easy way out. As you leave, he calls out your name.

“Would you grab that clipboard for me?” he points at one hanging near the door. 

“You want to read your own medical chart?”

“I’m one of the only people to be successfully treated for a new strain of anthrax. This is a primary research document. Absolutely I’m going to read it.” His voice goes up in pitch just a little, in that defensive reflex of his.

You shrug and hand it over before stepping out to find a nurse. You wait outside of the room and take the time to check your phone. It’s nearly six in the morning. You send updates to Hotch and JJ first, because they are the only two you know for a fact would be up that early on an off-day. JJ because of Henry and Hotch because he’s just Hotch. The nurse is gone just before you’ve finished the last text. 

“How are ya?” You ask gently as you drag your chair closer to him (purely for conversational purposes. Nothing else at all). You know him well enough to see the slight scowl on his face.

“He wasn’t helpful at all. Couldn’t tell me anything about the respiratory treatment.”

“Your chart isn’t a primary research document until after it’s done being a living document.” you tease. “It’s been 11 hours since the treatment, so he must be from the night shift. In a couple hours, I’m sure the day shift nurses will be back and you can bother them all you want. So, how are you? Physically?”

“Good. How’s my girl?” He says casually.

You didn’t realize you’d frozen up until you hear the sound of your phone slipping from your hand and landing on the tile floor. You duck down to grab it immediately. 

“Sorry! Sorry, I, uh, zoned out for a moment there.” You hope you don’t sound as lame as you think you do. 

“You alright? You had a pretty long day too. You should really go home and-”

“No, no, I’m good. I’m good.” The words come out quickly. “I’m gonna stick around for a while. Unless,” you raise an eyebrow “you’re planning on kicking me out?”

“I’d never do that.” God, he shouldn’t sound so earnest when he’s joking. And he has to be joking, right? In the past twenty four hours, you thought multiple times he was going to die. You can’t take any more emotions today.

A beat goes by. “I was asking, a minute ago, how the baby is.” If the health of your daughter didn’t depend on you, you would have liked to smack your head against a wall right then.  _ Of course. _ Of course he was talking about the kid. It was just your hormone addled brain interpreting things weirdly. 

“She’s good. It’d be a little early for a first time pregnancy, but I felt a little bit of a weird feeling in my stomach last night and it might have been a little kick.”  _ “Quickening” _ is what the internet insisted those little kicks would be called when you tried to look it up earlier in the week during your lunch break. It also told you it’d be weeks before you could feel the kicks from the outside of your body, shattering the tiny daydream you already had forming of getting Spencer’s hands on you as soon as possible. 

You buried yourself in work as fast as you could after lunch that day. 

His face is lit up. “Really?” he prompts with a hint of awe.

You realize you’re already smiling as you start to explain. “I thought I was just feeling weird because of the stress, but 18 weeks is a pretty common time to feel them.”

His smile fades a bit. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“I’m sorry you almost died.” you counter. “You know what I never expected from this job?”

“New kinds of anthrax?”

“Well, yeah, but in general- I figured I’d have a near death experience or two, but the weirdest thing about almost dying in the BAU is that every case is so unique, there will probably never be another like it. We can’t learn any lessons from this. There’s nothing more our team could do to prevent an attack like that again. We just have to go back to work and hope nothing like this ever happens again, because we aren’t any safer.”

“At least we can talk to each other about it. Most people aren’t close with their units and you know we can’t talk about it outside of work.” And you think of Hotch and JJ, going home to their children that they might have lost today. 

They’ve both pinged you back when you check your texts, JJ’s tells you that Henry and her both tell Reid to feel better, and Hotch’s just says “Good.”.

“You really shouldn’t sleep in a chair like that. Go home.” He remarks when you lean your head back.

“I don’t feel like driving.” It’s a lie and you both know it, but he lets it go. You fall back asleep as the sunrise just begins to peak into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ao3 was down for a while last night, but I finally got to upload!  
> next ch is on 1/7/21


End file.
